Contagion
by Geeres
Summary: The nations are suffering the worse crisis since the World Wars... FRANCE HAS BECOME CONTAGIOUS! Main story infused with many little side stories of how the nations deal with the infected. Many pairings but mainly just comedy
1. The World Meeting

_Hey~ So I was reading this epic but rather depressing Fanfic of Canada getting seriously ill and I needed a pick me up... and this was my answer! Mainly because I have been teased for a few weeks now that France has taken over my mind. I hope you enjoy it's only meant to be for a laugh and also to prove to my friend that I don't just write serious stuff! I mean come on Maerlyen I can be funny and light hearted. hehe._

_Enjoy mes amis!_

* * *

><p>"I call to order this emergency meeting off all the nations!" England called smashing his hand on the table rather like what Germany would have done. "We are facing a serious crisis. Maybe the biggest one since the World Wars."<p>

"Oh get on with it Iggy. I had to pause my video game for this!"

"Just because we are holding this in your house America does not mean you can playing video games!"

"Aww but Japan brought them over for me!"

"Ah don't get me in trouble America-san. I brought those for after the meeting!"

"Vee~ I think I'm going to make some pasta to help us concentrate."

"Make mine hamburger flavoured Italy! Its what heroes eat ahahahaha!"

"Sit down fratello! Don't listen to the fat bastard. Aren't you here to help that fucking potato-bastard?"

Italy's jaw clenched, fists bawled into fists as he tried to fight the tears.

"Why did we have to come to America's anyway. We could of all gone to mine and become one da?"

"Nobody wanted your input you fucking commie."

"Quiet! This is bloody important. And we came to America's because nobody has turned over this side of the world Russia. So don't go picking fights, we need to figure out what's bloody happening before we all end up like that!"

A collective shiver ran round the table when they remembered what they were up against. There were many missing from the table. Germany, Spain, Netherlands and China were all absent in critical condition. Other countries like Latvia were also absent. And then there was the cause for he whole thing. The reason this had started. He wasn't absent however.

"Angleterre. Let me out mon cher!"

"Shit you didn't gag him!" Sweden shouted.

"He was fucking sedated! Damn frog! Everyone evacuate!"

"Nobody move da?" Russia said standing up a lead pipe having mysterious materialised in his hand. He walked over to the cage casually. France looked at him hopeful.

"Ah Ivan! Mon géant, you are letting me out non?"

A few seconds later Russia walked away leaving an unconscious France with a concussion.

"That takes care of that kol kol. Continue."

"Erm right. Thank you... Russia." England said wincing at how much that would of hurt. "Er. Right. For an unknown reason many of our fellow nations have seemingly become copies of our frog. Perverseness is at an all time high and we don't yet have a cure for this illness. We need suggestions on how we can isolate and deal with this epidemic!"

"Ah~" a very quiet Canadian started but was cut off by others.

"I say we kill the infected and burn their remains." Russia said with an evil glint in his eye.

"No way you commie obviously we should pile them in a rocket and send them to Mars to live out their perverted fantasies!" America shouted.

"Your space-rocket would never get them to Mars." Russia scoffed. "You couldn't even get to the moon."

"We did too!" The American yelled indignantly.

"No you didn't you faked the whole thing."

"Oh you so did not say that you commie! Do you want to race huh? I'm all up for kicking your ass AGAIN in the next space race!"

"Oh ho ho Amerika you should not bet on what you will lose."

"I didn't bet anything!"

"Really I heard you say you bet a lifetime of servitude to me."

"Oh you are so on!"

"ALFRED F. JONES DO NOT GO SHAKING ON THAT DEAL!"

"Your a stick in the mud Iggy." America pouted.

"Why don't we-" Canada tried again but was cut off again.

"Why don't we just draw their faces on them and they'll return to normal! Ve~""

"You idiot that'll never work!"

"Ah why not fratello! It worked last time!"

"Italia-san. That was dream remember."

"No Japan~. I swear it happened"

"Kekekekeke. To be honest he awesome-me thinks this virus is too fun to get rid off!"

"You weren't saying that when you called me up screaming that Germany was being a perv and hitting on you." Canada sighed aloud. Nobody heard this statement however. Especially not over the sound of a frying pan connecting with Prussia's head.

" This is not funny. Austria is seriously sick you know!"

Canada pinched the bridge of his nose trying to calm himself down. Why weren't they listening to him? Not to mention his the sick feeling in his stomach or his head pounding mercilessly.

America had returned to his game but noticed his younger brothers distress.  
>"Hey is something wrong Mattie?" He asked still trying to concentrate on his game. He got no reply. "Mattie? Hey Iggy Mattie doesn't look well!"<p>

Russia and England looked around.

"Who?"

"Your other son you fucking idiot. He's gone all pale and everything!"

"Matvey is under the weather?" Russia asked concerned yet an evil gleam still reigned supreme. "Oh if he cracks now he owes me $100." His child like smile scared Arthur.

"What do you mean?" He asked while America paused his game and stretched out a hand towards Matthew.

"Hey Mattie what's going on?" He asked. He almost jumped out of his skin when Canada gript his wrist with lightening speed.

"Ohohoho Amérique you've come to play with brother Canada non?" Canada said with a twisted smile.

The room fell silent. Then all hell broke loose.

"He's been infected we aren't safe!"  
>"Don't leave me here! Help the Hero!"<br>"Someone needs to save America and his American breasts!"  
>"Somebody shoot the Canadian now!"<br>"Don't you bloody dare shoot my son!"  
>"SHOOT HIM SHOOT HIM!"<br>"AMERICA!"  
>"We should of known he was infected! He's hair looks just like France'!"<br>"Who are we talking about I can't see them!"  
>"Who?"<br>"French Canada!"  
>"Quarantine now!"<br>"Kill France and the infected shall return to normal!"  
>"Someone take that fucking stake away from Romanian and Transylvania!"<br>"I knew we shouldn't of let that rain bastard convince us into coming."  
>"Oh no Italia-san is having Germany flash backs!"<br>"NO DOITSU NOOOO~!"

Russia just stood to the side laughing heartily.

"You owe me that money Matvey."

* * *

><p><strong>Translations<strong>

**_Doitsu_**Germany (Japanese)

_**Fratello **Brother (Italian)_

_Im sure you could work out the other little things :)_

_I hope you enjoyed it! Reviews will be appreicated! I love you guys (or more like girls but meh who cares haha)_

_Much Love!_

_Joanne xxx_


	2. Germany InfectedSave the American Idiot

**_Bonjour mes amis!_**

**_ So I should first thank my lovely beta who offered me her services Chelseaj500! Thank you ~ (if that gives you the picture) much! _**

**_S_****_he's basically made it 10X better. Now it shouldn't be as confusing as it was when I was writing it at mindnight/on the train to work. (YAY for mobile aps!) _**

**_Also a big thank you to the ones of you who reviewed my first chapter and everything! Seriously you guys make the whole thing worth it even if it's only a handful of you. :) Also thinking of writing a list of the countries involved and keeping a record of those infected on it ;) what do you think? good idea?_**

**_ON WITH THE STORY!_**

* * *

><p><strong>2.<strong>

**Victim One - Germany**

Italy was worried.

Lately, his precious Germany seemed to be under the weather. He had been assured by the larger nation that it had only been a cold and not to worry, but that made Italy worry even more.

Germany had a rather annoying trait of trying to shield Italy from everything and anything. Didn't he realize Italy had been alive much longer than him?

Italy puffed out his cheeks in distress and busied himself with making pasta for the ill nation, trying not to think about what had happened earlier to confirm Italy's need for fear. Germany had...

No, it wasn't strange for the German man to take a sudden like to roses... But it was worrying when he scattered them all over the bed and then slept naked!

That was Italy's job!

He could now see why Doitsu reacted as he did. It was unnerving. Especially when Germany had beckoned him with his finger and licked his lips predatorily (before Italy had knocked him out with his pasta bowl). The next morning, he had remembered nothing and yelled at Italy for putting petals in his bed... And for undressing him.

Gah! He had to stop thinking these things! Obviously Germany was just suffering from the delirium, a symptom of his cold.

"Germany~ I made you pasta and wurst! Your favourite~!" He called, placing the steaming bowl on a tray with a daisy and a pint of Germany's favourite brand beer. He carefully tried to balance it as he made his way slowly to the study. When he reached the heavy oak doors, he paused to juggle the tray and balance it on one hand. He managed to get his right hand free to knock but before he could, he heard a very distinctive laugh.

"_Ohonhonhon_~!"

When had big brother France arrived here?

Italy threw the door open, intending to rush in and say hello. But what he saw made him stop short. The tray fell to the floor, pasta and sausage flying everywhere. There was no France in the room. Germany seemed to be struggling with an invisible assailant, bashing into everything! Chairs were upended and the desk had been broken straight down the middle.

"Doitsu!"

"Run Italy! This illness it... It... Makes you appreciate such a slender frame, nein~?" Italy's brown eyes widened in horror as Germany straightened his posture and his whole demeanour changed. "You love me, ja~? Italien? Ich liebe dich and your country~! Let me have you, nein? Ohonhonhon~!"

"G-Germany!"

"Ja, that's right, come to big brudder Germany, Italien~! Run into my arms!"

Italy turned on his heels and ran faster than the speed of light out the door. He passed a very confused Prussia who stared into the study. As he watched, Germany emerged and catching sight of Prussia, strutted over to him. The blonde had a wide, smirking grin on.

"Oooh~ Prussia... You don't mind spending time with brudder Germany, nein? Some quality time." He said, his eyes gleaming.

"West wants to spend time with his awesome older brudder, heh? Kesesese~ You've finally realized how awesome I am!"

"Oh~_Brudder_, you always have been, as you call it, 'awesome'." Germany purred, his hands reaching up and tracing the feel of his brother's chest through his shirt.

"W-West, what the hell are you doing to the awesome me?" The albino stuttered, grabbing hold of the German's wandering hands.

"Exploring, nein?" He replied and then proceeded to tackle Prussia to the floor. Prussia yelped as he went down, but somehow managed to push West's face away while he grabbed his cell phone and hit the speed dial.

"Hello?" A faint voice came from the end of the line.

"BIRDIE! WEST IS BEING A PERV, COME SAVE THE AWESOME ME!"

**|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•||•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|**

**Present day**

The remaining nations stood outside of the meeting room, trembling in fear (apart from Russia who seemed to be enjoying it very much).

"We need to save America-san!" Japan said, a hand on his katana. He talked confidently, but his shaking hands and knocking knees told a different story.

"I think it's amusing that we left him in there~!" Russia piped up, smiling broadly.

"Shut up! He may be a pain in the arse, but his country is key if we're going to defeat this disease." England snapped, his temper wearing thin.

"I could go in there and save him. My neutrality should protect me." Switzerland stated confidently while pulling out his favourite rifle.

Hong Kong gave Switzerland a look and cocked his head towards England. Catching this, England whacked his former colony on the head.

"Don't go telling Switzerland to shoot people, you idiot!"

Hong Kong stared at him blankly, gave him the finger and went to stand by Iceland.

"If China were here, he could bail America out!" Turkey shouted with a sly smile on his lips.

"Pity he's already infected, really... All his goods have gone up in price!"

"My country basically lives off of his cheap products, it's not helping my economy any." England said exasperated.

"Ah, a reason to not do anything about this fucking illness then." Romano muttered sarcastically, glaring at England. Clearly the whole not bailing out the Euro thing was still fresh in his mind.

"Don't go blaming ME for the actions of my boss, you bloody wanker! It's not my fault that that happened!"

"Chigi! You didn't exactly fucking help, did you eyebrow bastard?"

"Ah Fratello, Mr. England, stop fighting!" Italy cut in urgently, waving his arms around.

"HEEELLLLLLLLLP!"

America's yell snapped them all back to the matter at hand.

"Okay, that's it. We need to decide who is going in there." England said sharply. "There has to be someone who is willing."

"Don't let my _brudder_ go, please! I don't want him getting ill." Liechtenstein begged, turquoise eyes pleading.

"Liechtenstein..." Switzerland said quietly. Was it Japan's imagination, or was there an undertone of relief there?

"I CAN GO IN!" Came a shrill child's voice. England slapped his forehead, groaning.

"Not him… _Anybody_ but him!"

"SEALAND WILL DO IT~!" The young boy in a blue sailor's suit shouted enthusiastically, jumping up and down. "Then you'll have to recognize him as a country!"

"What are you even doing here? You should be at home!"

"You can't tell me what to do, you bully! We claimed independence!"

This resulted in England face-palming again.

"Ah, but England-san, it's a good idea. Sealand is made of steel, correct? Steel cannot be infected."

"Japan, he's only a boy! What will we do if something goes wrong?"

"Nothing will go wrong! I can do it!" England rolled his eyes as Prussia laughed.

"Kesesesese~ This boy is awesome! He can go in and we can all stay out here safely."

"I want to go in also. Matvey is with me and I would love to see Amerika's face."Russia added in, smiling. No one was going to object when he looked at them like that.

"I'm going to set up quarantine while you guys are in there." Switzerland muttered, his fingers twitching. Unbeknownst to most of the others, the Swiss nation had a rather compulsive cleaning habit... Almost as bad as Germany's. Japan knowingly smiled.

"I can help you with that." He said, also looking all too happy to not be going in there.

Two perverted laughs rang through the oak door that the huge Swede was guarding.

"Brilliant. Now, like, France is awake too!" Poland complained, shivering behind Lithuania who was staring frightened at all the imposing nations. They turned to look at him all realizing what this would mean.

Russia patted his pipe and stroked it happily. "This is going to be fun, da?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>hehe hoped you liked it.<strong>_

_**Reviews would be loved my lovely lovely people otherwise I will set this disease on you ;) **_

_**Much Love!**_

_**Joanne xxx**_

_**(and Chelseaj500) :D**_


	3. Spain Infect Save the American Idiot II

_**I think this one may be a bit shorter then before. **_

_**It was really funny doing this especially as I talked about it with my lovely Beta Chelsea and she was giving me some really good inspiration~ hehe. Unfortunatly I kinda ruined what was going to happen for her but hey she still seems up for the story and hehe if she is you should be too!**_

_**ENJOY MY LOVELYS!**_

* * *

><p>3. Victim two - Spain<p>

Spain was sick.

The tomato-loving nation casually leaned over to the table at his bed and rang a small silver bell (somewhat cheerfully). "Romano~!"

Did that jack-ass ever shut up?

"What is it, you tomato bastard!"

"Can't you bring me some tomato soup~ With a smile, _por favor mi tomato~!_"

"Like I would ever smile for you! Chigi!" Romano shouted grouchily, slamming the bowl of tomato soup down on a tray. It spilled a bit, but he didn't care. Or at least, he told himself he didn't care. He stalked into the other room carrying his home-made tomato soup. He would never admit to the Spaniard that he actually put effort into making it.

He placed it in front of the grinning bastard who picked up the spoon and dug in obliviously happy.

"Ah~ Romano! It tastes so good~! Are you sure you didn't get Veneciano to help you?"

"Of course not! Fratello is looking after that potato-bastard while I'm stuck here with you! It's such pain, you both being sick!" Romano snapped back, trying (and failing) to hide the blush at the compliment.

"Fusososo~! Come now Romano, it's not like we planned to get colds."

"Chigi! This is _not _a cold! I've looked after you when you've had practically every ailment and injury! This is something different!"

Spain smiled happily, his emerald irises bright. "Aww , is my Roma worried for me~? You don't have to be! Boss Spain will kick this cold's butt!" He reached his hand up to stroke Romano's dark brown hair, but the younger nation slapped his hand away.

"Che! Aren't you listening to me, tomato bastard! This isn't a normal cold! And there's no way in hell I would be worried about you!"

"Sure, sure~! But you ARE allowed to show a bit of emotion, you know." The sick nation laughed before doubling over in pain.

"Spain!" Romano cried out, frightened. He reached forward, trying to keep Spain from collapsing on himself. All of a sudden, the spasms stopped and Spain grabbed the back of Romano's head swiftly.

"Bastard, how dare you scare me like that! Let go of me! Chigi!"

But the nation didn't let go. Instead, he pulled Romano even closer. The Italian turned bright red and became flustered.

"S-Spain, you bastard! What are you d-doing!"

"Let me taste your lips, Romano." Spain said, his voice sounding odd.

"WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU BASTARD?"

But Spain had had enough of waiting. He pulled Romano towards his lips. The Italian was already flushed red, but then Spain's hand brushed against a certain piece of hair. His face became completely red as a tomato and he tried his hardest to repress the moan escaping his lips. Taking this as an invitation, Spain kissed him and pulled him into his lap.

Romano tried to fight off his ex-boss, but Spain forcibly took his former lackey's curl and wrapped it around his finger, playing with it. Romano melted into the elder nation's arms against his will.

"St-Stop it, y-you bastard…" The Italian instantly yelled when the pair parted for breath.

"Ohonhonhon~! I think you protest too much, mi amor…"

Then it clicked. Romano shoved Spain away by pushing the Spaniard's face deep into his pillow.

"FRANCE, YOU PERVERTED BASTARD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THE TOMATO BASTARD?" He screamed loud enough to be heard in the adjoining country.

"Ohonhonhon... You must be blind, mon quiredo! I am your España~!"

The tsundere of the Italy brothers shook his head violently. "No, this is wrong! Antonio isn't like this, he- HEY! TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF ME, I'M TRYING TO BE EMOTIONAL HERE!"

He barely managed to resist the urge to punch Spain in the crotch. Which sounded wrong but in actual fact, he _was _straddling Antonio. He jumped slightly as cold hands reached his ass. That was it. He needed back up. But who to call…?

He grabbed the mobile on the table at the bedside and trying at to disentangle himself (at the same time), but Spain held on tight. His mood didn't improve when he saw that someone had changed all of the contacts names.

"Shit! Fuck! Stupid fucking idiots!" He snarled, remembering the other two of the Bad Friends Trio had taken control of Spain's phone when they had last gotten plastered the week before.

"I am going to fucking kill Prussia!" Obviously it hadn't been France as he had been responsible for the inappropriate drawings all over Spain's body in permanent marker.

"Awesome-me" stuck out like a sore thumb among the ridiculous names. He hit call just as Spain started to grope again. Sighing heavily, he grabbed Spain's hand and twisted it until his fingers were about to snap.

"Don't mess with the Mafia, you fucking bastard!" He muttered and then began to swear even more colourfully when his call went straight to voice mail.

"Aw, can't my sur de Italia reach anybody to join us~?" Spain pouted. He had obviously forgotten about his fingers until Romano gave them a very hard tug. Pain flickered across Spain's face before being replaced by something much more sinister.

"Oh, you want it rough, huh?" He said, licking is lips. "Hermano Spain can be rough-" That was all he managed to say before Romano smacked the mobile against his head.

The nation fell silent and Romano smiled in relief. "Why didn't I do that in the first place? And I'm so not replacing that, bastard!" He said, finally jumping down. "Now I need to find some help and fast… I'm going to fucking kill that wine bastard for this! It has to be his fault."

The Italian walked off mumbling, finally getting in contact with a very stressed Italy, a worried Belgium and a very exasperated England.

When he returned to the bedroom, he found the clothes Spain had been wearing strewn across the floor and the window wide open letting in the chilly air, but no Spain.

|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|•|

Back at the meeting.

The tall Swede stepped aside as Russia and Sealand slipped inside the meeting room with lightning speed. The door was shut tightly behind them. The sight in front of them was something that really should have been caught on film.

America was still in his chair. Not that he could do anything about that. The two blonde silky haired nations had bound him to it with pieces of silk. It wouldn't have been so bad if they hadn't stripped him down to his superman boxers. Several burger boxes were left, empty, scattered around him. From the look of it, they had force fed him before gagging him.

Francis and Matthew had also taken a permanent marker to the American's chest.

It was not a pretty sight.

Especially as Russia felt a stab of jealousy seeing 'property of Matthew Williams' written in HIS nation's neat hand. But Russia smiled.

This new Matvey could be some fun… At least he could punish him later for being unfaithful.

Sealand rushed in to free his older brother but Russia was much more cautious. Where were the nations causing all of this trouble? As Peter removed the gag, America groaned.

"Idiots! You've fallen into their villainous trap!"

Just like in the movies, the Canadian and Frenchman seemed to melt from the shadows behind Russia and advance slowly but predatorily. Sealand noticed them first and panicked. Ivan took in the situation and laughed.

"Hey Matvey~ I think I like this side of you better. But you have to learn your place, da?" He spun his pipe around, striking viciously at the man behind him. But it wasn't Canada. France crumpled once again to the ground but Matthew was gone.

"Damn. Sealand-" He started turning around, but it was too late. Canada had a talon grip on the youngest nation having put him on America's lap. The violet eyes of the Canadian glittered as he observed Russia. The look issued a challenge and the Russian grew slightly angry.

"Matvey... You dare and I will punish you in the worst way I can imagine. And I warn you, Matvey, my imagination can be very creative."

"Do your worst mon cher Russie! I will enjoy every minute with you…" Canada laughed his new found perverted laugh and then bent down and French-kissed Peter.

"Ewww! Bro, get a room! And a psychiatrist! I mean, dude! You're deep kissing your youngest bro who's sitting on your elder awesome bro! You sick bastard!" America fought wildly against his bonds. And he thought Japan's horror movies were bad! This was going to mentally scar him for life!

Fury raged in Russia. "Matvey, you really should not have done that." Menace radiated off him in waves and finally a look of fear appeared in Matthew's purple irises. He broke away from Sealand who instantly fainted, falling off America's lap. Unfortunately, Peter had gotten caught in the bounds and Alfred found his chair tipping.

"I know when I'm fighting a losing battle. I shall be saving my own skin now!" Canada announced. He then crashed through the window as Russia lunged for him. He proceeded to fall 30 floors, hit the ground below and run away at lightning fast pace. Russia had only ever seen him move that fast on ice.

Ivan stared after Matthew trying to repress his anger before turning to storm out of the room.

Lying forgotten under an unconscious Sealand, America began to wail after the intimidating nation.

"Hey commie, come back! Don't leave the hero, you fucking idiot!"

At the last second, his hand on the door knob, Russia turned around looking absolutely murderous.

Outside, all the nations could hear were the screams of the poor American. Even England shivered in slight fear.

_Good luck, Russia and Sealand..._He didn't know what was going on inside, but he hoped that their volunteers came out on top.

Poor fucking America.

* * *

><p><em><strong>hehehe~ I feel so mean... and disturbed by my brain... I mean poor poor poooooor SEALAND! D: I basically just molested him by setting a infected freaking Canadian! Oh I feel so mean! and dirty. EWWWW What have I written!<strong>_

_**ANYWAYS! I'm sorry~ I keep forgetting to put translations on my works -_-" **_

_**TRANSLATIONS**_

_**_por favor_ ** please (spainish)_

**_mon quiredo _**_My dear (Spanish)_

_**spaña **Spain (spainish)_

_**Sur de Italia **South of Italy (spainish)_

_**Hermano **Brother (spainish)_

_**Mon cher Russie **My dear Russia (French)_

_**PLEASE! review and read more!~ I have no real updating sequence so if you want to stay up to date it may be an idea to but it on story alert if you enjoy reading this~**_

_**LOVE YOU ALL**_

_**Much love **_

_**Jo xx**_


	4. China Infected THE REASON

okay guys (or girls whatever) I'm going to put my notes at the end now so you can just dive him and enjoy the story.

Big thanks to my lovely beta Chelsea who sent me this back ages ago but I COMPLETE forgot *bows* so blame me not her haha. Enjoy!

**Wednesday 1st February **[1]

China had never felt as bad as he did a few hours after that particular meeting. France had requested that he and Germany go to talk about a certain other nation and the medicine he was ordering. China had been there for his many years of medicine knowledge and Germany for the vigorous tests. They had successfully managed to come up with a prototype. Whether it worked or not was a completely different kettle of fish.

He had a few more hours to go on the plane. Normally, he would have had a private jet for himself if the Baltics and the Nordics (plus a few extras) hadn't decided to have a last minute holiday in Asia. This meant that including the sick nation, there were currently 11 others in the jet:

Lithuania  
>Estonia<br>Latvia

Poland  
>Denmark<br>Norway  
>Sweden<br>Finland  
>Iceland<br>Netherlands  
>Belgium [2]<p>

The noise was enough to send China around the bend.

Poland had taken it upon himself to grab Belgium to try and convince her it would be a grand idea to attack Lithuania with make-up and clothes. Subsequently, Belgium had used a trick she had learned from Hungary and knocked out the handsome brown-haired nation when he was distracted and talking with Iceland (who wasn't bothered either way). At this exact moment, Lithuania had finally woken up after being a life size doll for a half an hour and was now trying to make a (rather noisy) escape. [3]

Estonia was working on a very questionable piece of technology for Netherlands. China was certain that it was going to be the next major bedroom aid on sale next year. It didn't help that the thing started lighting up, beeping, vibrating and spraying water everywhere every five minutes.

Opposite of him, Denmark had started a vigorous game of strip poker with Iceland and Norway. From his lack of clothes, he looked like he had lost many hands (whether it was on purpose or not, China had no idea), yet Iceland had presently lost. The youngest Nordic stood up and removed his black gloves with his teeth (under Denmark's watchful eye), and proceeded to loosen the bow on his shirt slowly. He grabbed a nearby pole and swung around as he removed his shirt, pulling all kinds of gymnastic stunts as the elder country cheered and egged him on. Didn't Norway or Iceland find it at all awkward? They were brothers after all! From what China knew, they were all sober... And the pole was a new installation. His money was on England for that one. The sexual ambassador.

Sweden and Finland were sitting near the front talking. Or at least Finland was talking. Sweden mainly stared and replied with an occasional "hm" or a grunt whenever necessary. China thought it incredibly cute. At least, he would have if his headache would ever go away…

In the back next to the kitchen, bathroom and bedroom sat Latvia engrossed with his laptop screen.

China was suddenly hit by a wave of nausea and doubled over. Jumping to his feet, he ran for the bathroom. But his legs spasmed and the Asian country fell heavily to the floor beside Latvia. Who happened to have the most nervous disposition out of all the countries on the plane.

"Arrrrrgggggghhhhhhh! C-C-China! Are you all right?" He quickly put his computer to aside and knelt tentatively down by the elder nation.

"H… Help, aru!"

China was in no way all right. He was pretty sure his insides were being turned inside out. His head was frantically pounding in his skull, begging to let him escape his massive headache. At least the nausea had passed. But the small reprieve was short lived as his body was consumed in uncontrollable shivers. What the hell was wrong with him…?

"E-Estonia! L-Lithuania! Help!" Squeaked the young nation as the 4000 year-old nation began to slip out of consciousness. Though seemingly not for too long.

"Shh, little one... We don't want to attract unwanted attention now, wu? aru~"

If Latvia was panicked before, it was nothing compared to how he reacted when he saw the perverse glint in China's amber coloured eyes. He froze completely, not even trembling as fear grip his small frame.

"Oh, aru! What were you looking at on your laptop, aru?" China asked predatorily, reaching towards the piece of technology left on the seat. The spell on Latvia was broken for a second as terror of a different kind seized him.

"NOOO!" He cried and slammed the laptop closed, but not before China had gotten a good look at the contents of the screen.

"Ohonhonhon~ Latvia, aru... I didn't know you were into those things, aru~!"

"No, no! I'm not! I-It's... It's not like that!"

"We can have a go now, you know, aru. I've lived a long life, I know all of those tricks …" He licked his lips smirking. "All of them, aru!"

"LATVIAAAAAA!" Finally, Estonia had noticed that China had climbed over Latvia and was currently kissing him. Latvia had already passed out.

"Ohonhonhon~ Want to join the party, Estonia, aru? Maybe we could use your gadgets... I'm always up for experimenting after all, aru!"

"Watch it, China! I have a high powered taser on me!"

"Ohonhon~ You like it rough and spicy then, aru…" China grinned, getting up and running his graceful fingers along the techie's chest.

"E-Estonia! Latvia's out cold!" Lithuania announced panicky, kneeling next to the smaller nation, still in a pink frilly dress. The fury and confusion made him snap back into the country he had been before Russia. "Poland! Stop playing with my hair and get a first aid kit, water and a phone!Dabar!"

Belgium was quietly taking video footage. In case China killed them all, it could act as a black box. Otherwise Hungary and Japan were going to be paying her a fortune to see what she was seeing right now.

China pushed Estonia onto one of the seats and sat on top of him, removing his glasses.

"Wo qin ai'de, you look much more handsome with your glasses off, wu, aru?"

Netherlands thought this would be a good time to step in. China hadn't been using his normal accent for a while and something about this tone really rubbed him the wrong way.

"China. Let go of Estonia. I need him... Nu."

"Spoil sport, aru! Aren't you meant to be free with your sex, Holland, aru? Why don't you and your sister join big brother for some fun, aru~?"

It was at that second Netherlands snapped. From the other side of the plane, the Nordics finally realized what was going on. Finland instantly started panicking and Swede caught on rather quickly. With a grunt, he threw the Christmas nation over his shoulder and stalked towards the cockpit. He emerged a minute later with the two of them with the only parachutes, calmly opened and door and jumped out with Finland still in his arms who was squirming. Denmark, on the other hand, thought it was all good fun. He dragged an annoyed (and topless) Norway over to the two nations' fight and jumped into the fray. Iceland watched silently before turning to his puffin, retrieving his mobile and took photos to send to Hong Kong. He did not particularly find it funny when China disentangled himself from the men on the ground and came after the youngest Nordic with that manically perverse grin on his face.

The following scene has had its visual description removed to prevent mental scarring.

"Oh, Iceland, aru~"

"Why are you talking like that?"

"Don't you like big brother China touching you, aru? …Ow! The puffin bit me, aru!"

"No, he didn't."

"There he is!"

"Get him!"

"Ohonhonhon~ Back for another round, my friends, aru?"

"Grab him!"

"Since when are you so scarcely clothed, aru? I have never felt so honoured in my life, aru!"

"Shit, I forgot about our outfits!"

"This is what you get when you play strip poker."

"Argh! He, like, has Lithuania!"

"Get your hands off me!"

"But you have such a nice body, aru... Like a woman's, aru~!"

"Get off! Get your hands away from- Ahhh!"

"Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, like, ew!"

"Wow, Hungary's going to go nuts~! Hehe!"

"Help!"

"I know! Everybody strip! He'll be so confused and horny that he'll collapse!"

"…"

"Shut up, Denmark. That's an idiotic idea. He's acting like France and that's not how you deal with France."

"Ohonhonhon~ I'm fine with you having a go if you think that it'll help meiyou, aru?"

"NO!"

"Dammit! What are we going to do?"

"...We could lock him in that cage."

"You want big brother China to dance for you, meiyou, aru~?"

"Whatever! Just get him in that cage!"

"Ah, Liet! Like, pull yourself together."

"This has to be a dream. It can't be real."

"Ah, Belgium should dance with me, aru!"

"NO! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY SISTER!"

"Ah, but, I'm only meant to be filming! Help!"

"Come on, aru! It'll be me and you in that small cage wearing practically nothing, aru. Sounds good, wu, aru?"

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY SISTER!"

"Quick, he's in the cage! Shut it!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Oh~ Latvia's back!"

"W-What are we going to do with him?"

"You can do anything with me, aru. I'm flexible, aru!"

"He winked at me! Quick Ice, let your puffin peck out my eyes!"

"Norway, slap your boyfriend."

"With pleasure, brother."

Slap.

"Stop i-it! We need to figure out how to keep him in there!"

"I can thread an electric field into the bars by dismantling my taser system and re-routing the current, I guess."

"Perfect, Estonia!"

"Ha, look at Lithuania being all in charge- Ack!"

"Hmm~ You smell so good Denmark, aru... Let me eat you all up, aru~!"

"Gah! H-Help!"

"Are you going to help, Sweden? ...Where did Sweden go?"

"Oh, Finland's gone too!"

"Like, oh my gawd! Your brothers are, like, useless!"

"I can think of a use for them, aru! Ohonhonhon~! Come and join big brother China… We can have a Nordic orgy, aru."

"No."

"Fine, I'll make do with just one, aru."

"Oh, he's, like, kissing Den! Are you ,like, getting this, Bel?"

"…Wow! That's one long kiss! Hungary's gonna flip when she learns she's missed this, hehe!"

"Belgium, put that phone away!"

"Hey, is Latvia all right?"

"Latvia? He's not even shaking..."

"Is he... Like... Dead?"

"For heaven's sake, Feliks! He's still breathing!"

"Latvia?"

"Estonia… Don't do it!"

"Latvia?"

"Oh no, this is bad, this is bad… ESTONIA!"

"GAK! Oh Latvia, you scared me! You shouldn't move so quickly..."

"Ohonhonhonhon~"

"Like, OH MY GAWD! Latvia, like, has it too!"

"Run for the hills!"

"We're on a fucking plane!"

"Fuck. The parachutes!"

"They're all gone!"

"Fuck. There's only one thing then."

"Not that!"

"Sorry guys... On the count of 3! 1… 2... 3! CHARGE!"

**Present day**

When Russia emerged with an unconscious Sealand and dragging a beat up and naked America, everybody panicked.

Switzerland panicked about contamination. England panicked about America. Poland screamed at the thought of France and Canada lurking in the other room. Lithuania yelped because Poland screamed in his ear. Wy tried to act cool yet panic set in her eyes upon seeing her little boyfriend looking, well, dead.

Finally, Japan (with the help of Hong Kong and his pyrotechnics) managed to restore some sort of order. Or at least enough peace for the Asian nation to talk to an angry looking Russia.

"Russia-san, what happened?" Japan asked warily, noticing the ghost of murderous intent behind those purple eyes.

"Matvey is a lunatic, da? I knocked France out and Matvey jumped out the window, but not before they had stripped, tied up, force fed and beat up Amerika." The childish grin on Russia's face at that moment was the one scariest things that Japan had seen in his long life. "Before he jumped out of the window, Matvey.. French-kissed Sealand and he ended up like this. Now someone shall be taking this pipsqueak off me, da?"

The last sentence wasn't a question.

Several nations ran forward to retrieve Sealand before the Russian's temper blew and turned violent.

England was not among them. Instead, he had stalked past them to go and question (read: torture) the Frenchman. He marched up to the unconscious country and without really thinking about the consequences, poured a cup of water onto the bearded face.

The nation spluttered and his blue eyes flew open, confused until they focused on England.

"Angleterre!"France purred and was instantly on his feet trying to grab the other country's tie. England easy dodged and kicked the approaching Frenchman so he hit the wall hard.

"You fucking wanker! What have you done to everyone?" England shouted loudly, storming over and placing a firm grip around Francis's neck as he tried to stand.

"I don't know what you mean, mon cher! I have done nothing."

"LIKE I'M GOING TO FUCKING BELIEVE THAT, YOU BLOODY FROG!"

"But I tell the truth mon Angleterre! Now… I wouldn't mind if we were doing this in bed, but I'm feeling rather faint here." England tightened his hold on Francis's throat.

"Serves you right, frog! Tell me what you did to America and Sealand! What have you done to Canada! WHY ARE YOU TARGETING MY FAMILY!"

"Your family is very cute, unlike you mon Angleterre! And Matthieu is part of my family too, non?"

"Bloody bastard! Now tell me why people are 'turning'!"

"You're very sexy when you're angry, Angleterre... I want to kiss you."

"ANSWER ME, GOD DAMMIT!"

"Kiss me. Then I'll tell you."

"Why you fu-"

"Now now, you want to save your family, non?"

England gritted his teeth in annoyance. He really didn't want to, but it was only a kiss. What's the worst that could happen?

**Outside the meeting room**

"This was all in vain! We came to a meeting to try and save all of those infected! Instead, Birdie turned, France escaped, America was tortured and Sealand was attacked. We don't even know how people are infected yet!" It was rather strange to see Prussia talking (partly) seriously, but he was obviously worried about Canada.

"It does seem to have been counterproductive…" Japan murmured, rubbing his eyes. He was getting too old for this.

"We should have never run out in the beginning! I'm sure if we had just knocked them out in the first place, then everything would have been fine!" The frying pan in Hungary's hand seemed to be itching to be used. The twitch in her eye showed how much revenge she wanted on the Frenchman for infecting Austria.

"Come on! Ten nations so far have turned into a mini France. And several people have witnessed it! There must be some common factor." Cuba mused, stubbing out his cigar onto the wall.

"NOOOOOO~ NO MORE HAMBURGERS! NOOOOO!" America had come around. He sat up, terror in his blue eyes. Instantly it was replaced with pain as he realized just how many bones were broken in his body.

"SHUT UP, AMERICA!" Cuba shouted, obviously seeing it as the obnoxious nation purposefully interrupting him. But America ignored him and the fuming Cuban decided he (already) had had enough, but didn't do anything. America looked bashed up enough without having another injury to his head. In fact, some of the bruises looked suspiciously pipe shaped.

"Romano was with Spain when he changed, right?" he continued.

"Chigi! Why are you picking on me, you bastard? All I know was that he bumped into France a day or two before and then came down with a cold."

"A day or two? That's strange… We were on the plane ride for an hour before China changed. And then Latvia changed only five or so minutes after that, but he had no contact with France before..." Estonia stated, whipping out his ever present laptop and typed up what they were saying to record it.

"So anyone who has it is contagious after they 'become' France." Finland suggested thoughtfully.

"Who else turned on that plane?"

"D-Denmark and Netherlands. Or at least they've been the only ones who changed. E-Estonia managed t-to get Latvia and C-China into the cage before anything else happened." Lithuania stuttered, nervous.

"What happened exactly?" Turkey asked, raising an eyebrow behind his ever present mask.

"I got it on film~!" Belgium sung as she fetched her phone out of her pocket."But!" She paused.

"Seeing as I charged Japan and Hungary, I'm going to need payment~!"

"Oh, stop being so fucking tight and let us see it already! Don't you want to find a cure for your brother?"

Belgium pouted at Romano's harsh words but dutifully passed over her phone to Estonia who hooked it up and had the video playing on the computer within a few moments.

_"Wo qin ai'de, you look much more handsome with your glasses off, wu, aru?"_

_"China. Let go of Estonia. I need him... Nu."_

_"Spoil sport, aru! Aren't you meant to be free with your sex, Holland, aru? Why don't you and your sister join big brother for some fun, aru~?"_

"Skip this part it gets much more interesting in a little while." Hungary smiled as she watched China feeling up Estonia.

If people weren't so transfixed on the small screen, they would have seen the slight blush on the techie's face as he fast-forwarded the video.

_"Oh, Iceland, aru~"_

_"Why are you talking like that?"_

_"Don't you like big brother China touching you, aru? …Ow! The puffin bit me, aru!"_

_"No, he didn't."_

Prussia laughed. "Awesome, Ice!"

"I didn't do anything," Iceland replied coldly.

Again the video was zoomed forward.

"Go back, Estonia-san! Go to the part with Denmark-san, please." Japan commanded. He had just realized the disappearance of England and had a very daunting feeling about it.

Estonia backtracked the video to just before China grabbed Denmark.

"Perfect, Estonia!"

"_Ha, look at Lithuania being all in charge- Ack!"_

_"Hmm~ You smell so good Denmark, aru... Let me eat you all up, aru~!"_

_"Gah! H-Help!"_

_"Are you going to help, Sweden? ...Where did Sweden go?"_

_"Oh, Finland's gone too!"_

_"Like, oh my gawd! Your brothers are, like, useless!"_

_"I can think of a use for them, aru! Ohonhonhon~! Come and join big brother China… We can have a Nordic orgy, aru."_

_"No."_

_"Fine, I'll make do with just one, aru."_

_"Oh, he's, like, kissing Den! Are you, like, getting this, Bel?"_

"…Wow! That's one long kiss! Hungary's gonna flip when she learns she's missed this, hehe!"

Everyone watching the video froze. Was that how it was passed? Estonia sensed everyone's unease and quickly went back to the fight between China and Netherlands and saw in a freeze frame that China kissed Netherlands on the lips for a short moment. A few nations like Romano were radiating killer intents.

"THAT TOMATO LOVING BASTARD!"

Italy had to restrain his brother to stop him from charging out the building in search of the Spaniard. He was happy because he was getting to hug his brother, but couldn't help wishing that Germany was there to help him. Or to just hug him. Actually more like for him to be hugged.

"Before China attacked me, he was kissing Latvia... Really kissing him." Estonia announced quietly, but as the only sound was coming from the Italy brothers, most people heard him. That was until South Korea started laughing.

"All those guys kissed France! And they won't even let me grope their breasts. How mean, da-ze!"

"But it's not just France! Those guys were turned by China. So if we were, say, kissed by Birdie, then..."

Realization dawned on everyone's faces at Prussia's words (who took a little while longer then everyone else to understand what he had just said).

Sealand.

Everyone turned round to see the micro nation sitting up, gripping Wy's chin and gazing into her eyes.

"You know, my dear, your eyes are almost as pretty as your body, no?"

"Wow... And I thought he was actually going to be smooth there."India said, rolling his eyes.

"FOR PETE'S SAKE, IS NO ONE GOING TO SAVE WY?" Seborga shouted, panicking.

Switzerland did what he did best and shot a bullet between Sealand and the other micro nation's faces. They froze as they were just about to kiss.

"This is quarantine! No kissing!" The Swiss nation stated as Australia lunged forward and tackled Sealand.

"Now, now mate! You don't go trying to give a kiss to my little girl.. Not without my permission, heh?"

"Then I can give a kiss to you, no?"

"Pfft~ I would like to see you try you little tyke. You're not even tall enough!"

"I need to tell England-san what's going on before all of this gets out of hand…"Japan murmured worriedly, running towards the meeting room. He knew something was going on in there and prayed that he wouldn't be too late.

* * *

><p><strong>HEY! Bonjour Bonjour. Oh this was... madness to write! You don't know how difficult it is to write all these different characters! I was thinking of trying to write in accents... but I WILL fail at that. Oh yeah and those [1] things you see... I've "stolen" the idea off someone wahaha. Anyway! that's where I want to write a note on something.<strong>

**[1] I am now putting dates on all the past infections and in the future too yet I can't be asked to go back and adjust the previous so I think I'll end up publishing a time line for it... hehehe could be fun non?**

**[2] Come on from that list? I knwo it doesn't have any of the main... "offenders" but you must of been able to see there would be a few... mishaps ;D**

**[3] I will kiss anybody who draws this scene! or any of the other group scenes. I'll give you a cookie seriously ;) haha**

**OKAY TRANSLATIONS! **

before I start... I apoligise for my rubbish chinese -_-" there is no way in hell that I ever want to try that again! MY LORD!

wu - (hopefully meaning) no (chinese)

Wo qin ai'de - ermmm... My dear (I think... well hell I knew I should of updated this earlier when I remembered!) (chinese)

nu - now (dutch)

da? - yes (russian)

mon cher - my dear (french)

Angleterre - England (french)

non? - no (french)

**I hope you enjoyed! and REVIEWS! Gimme gimme! that's if you want to see Austria infected. ;) **

**Yes I am threatening you so that I can get a few feel good comments! **

**WAHAHAHAHA! SO REVIEW NOW! haha**

**MUCH LOVE et keep reading!**


	5. Austria Infected England?

**Hey~ I know I know it's been a while. I have missed you all too. *Hugs* I feel I should say thank you to all have reviewed and I would list you off but... IT'S BEEN SO LONG! My email has swallowed them up in pages in the 10s and it would be extremely well... long winded to go that way. But lets see. Oh found some! I'll put replies at the bottom and let you get on with it. **

**AND I WILL REMEMBER TRANSLATIONS TODAY! I always forget them -_- that and the disclaimer. Can't I just go one for my whole thing. Anyway, ME NO OWNEY HETALIA! **

* * *

><p><strong>SUNDAY 5th FEBRUARY<strong>

"Mr. Austria~! Mr. Austria, are you in? I cooked you a delicacy from my house!" Hungary called, letting herself into the house like usual.

"It's dobos torta, home made just as you like it. Extra caramel and all!" She licked some of the sticky substance off her fingers as she searched the rooms.

"Oh, and you'll never guess who has been hiding at my house Austria! Only our little Italy~! He's so sweet… Just like back then. Ah, the memories it brings back..."

The Hungarian walked into the piano room where the Austrian spent most of his time, but he wasn't there.

"Mr. Austria?"

She was starting to worry now. Austria always replied. It wasn't 'proper' to leave a 'lady' waiting or worried. So where was he?

Hungary jumped up the stairs, three at a time in her haste and almost tripped but somehow remaining upright. She was terrified. All she could remember was Italy's face as he crashed into her kitchen the day before. Something had happened to Germany and it had scared Veneciano to no end. Hungary thought Italy was over reacting but the sheer terror she felt now made her reconsider.

What if the same thing had happened to her Austria?

"AUSTRIA!" she shouted, kicking in the bathroom door. Nothing. She moved on to his bedroom and kicked with more force then she meant to. The hinges snapped and the door crashed into the wall. Nobody in there either, except-

"Ungarn mein lieber,"

"Prussia?" Hungary raised an eyebrow, eyes roaming the room. It hadn't sounded like the 'awesome' nation, but he was the only one how called her that. Admittedly, he only called her that when he was taking the piss.

"Nein. Your Austria. You have powerful legs~!"

"Oh, Mr. Austria!" The tom boy cried, having just seen the hand poking out from the dismantled door. She rushed over and threw it off him.

The musically talented nation looked a bit worse for wear. His eyes were glassed over, his usual curl to his hair flat from his fevered state and worse of all, he was almost completely naked. If it had been anyone but Hungary (being used to boys bodies from an early age and being married to the bloke) they may have had a small heart attack. But this was not the most obvious sign to our Hungary that something was wrong. That came in the form of Austria pulling her down on top of him when she tried to help him up.

"Austria! What are you doing!" She exclaimed, blushing as he nuzzled into her hair and nipped on her ear.

"Trying the delicious taste of your cooking, nein?"

"Ah~ I'm pretty sure there's none of it there."

"And yet, it still tastes so sweet."

His free hand wandered down to the small of her back.

"AUSTRIA! What has gotten into you?"

"Nothing has gotten into me, but something is going to get into-" Hungary shoved her fist down his throat.

"Who are you and what have you done with my Austria?"

"But I am your Austria, nein?"

"Get away! Stop touching me!" She screamed, slamming her elbow into his face and scrambling through the doorway. She had to get her weapon. She vaulted the spiral stairs her skirts flying up. When it came down to it, her warrior nature always prevailed. She hit the ground with a thud, her ankles giving way and rolling to a stand. Behind her she could hear the fake 'Austria' calling after her dramatically.

Male nations, she thought, all such pompous drama queens!

Hungary sprinted into the kitchen, locking the door behind her and completely ignoring her cake she realized it.

She has left her freaking frying pan with Italy for his own protection.

Cursing, the Hungarian turned to where the frying pans used to be but they no longer hung there. Austria must have moved them.

On the stairs, the deranged man's footsteps proved he was getting closer.

"Frying pan, frying pan, frying pan. Where would I be hiding if I were a frying pan?"

"Elizabeta! Mein lieber!"

She gritted her teeth and renewed her search with extra vigor. The footsteps came closer. He was in the hallway. She wrenched open the pantry and sighed in relief. There hanging on the wall were several shining frying pans.

Who puts frying pans in a pantry?

Quickly, she grabbed each one assessing its use and tossing them aside in a flurry until she found the perfect one.

Hungary held it close and readied herself as the doorknob jittered.

"Ungarn, let me in"

"No way!"

"Oh, is it a game Ungarn? I'll play. Here I come, ready or not! Ohonhonhon~!"

His footsteps retreated and in the distance a door slammed shut. If at all possible, Hungary was even more panicked. She backed away from the door breathing hard and fast. What the hell had happened? Why couldn't one of the boys be here instead? It would of at least made it entertaining to watch!

Behind her, the unnoticed window was unlatched and was being pulled open.

She backed away further, eyes still locked on the door.

The male nation pulled himself up onto the ledge shakily, looking pure white from either the illness or the freezing weather. He swung his legs in and smiled his perverted smile when he saw who was about to back straight into him. His hand twitched, an idea forming in his mind. He forced himself not to laugh that would give him away as he waited for Hungary to get close enough.

There. She was only an arm's length away now. It would have to be now or she'd realize the windows open and it'll all be for nothing.

She took one more step back.

He sprung, wrapping one arm around her waist and the other grabbing her ass and squeezing.

Hungary would have yelped had that been her nature yet the years of being Austria's housewife had not dulled her hunter instinct. She span around lightening fast, facing her attacker. Her frying pan made a satisfying crashing noise as it impacted with the nation's head. Not giving him the chance to recover. she hit him until he fell down, straddled him and still continued to wreck the pan which had been fine a few seconds before.

"Hungary? Lizzie stop it! It's the freaking awesome Prussia! Stop hitting my gorgeous face!"

She renewed her energy.

"Seggfej! What the fuck are you doing here? Fucking seggfej!"

"Hungary calm down, that's no way for a 'lady' to speak." The albino taunted, wincing in pain.

"Szopjal le!"

"I didn't think you had one!"

This comment should not have been uttered, and the wink Prussia had accompanied with it certainly didn't help the situation.

The only thing which made her stop beating up the recently made micro-nation was a certain familiar infected nation's voice at the window.

"Ohonhonhon, may I join in~?"

Both of the nations froze and looked at each other.

"RUN!"

* * *

><p><strong>PRESENT DAY<strong>

"Just one kiss, right?"

"Oui, Angleterre. Just one French kiss."

"I bloody hate you."

"Et je deteste you as well."

"Wanker!"

"Oh, come now. You love it~!"

"Just get this fucking over with, frog! You definitely promise to tell me how to stop this, right?"

"Of course. I'll tell you all I know."

England scowled but released his hands from the Frenchman, stepping back.

A shout echoed from outside the door and England turned for a split second, curious. It was a terrible idea. France couldn't stand looking at him anymore without touching his Angleterre.  
>He jumped on England, pinning him down against the meeting table.<p>

"FRANCE!"

"Shh, mon petit lapin~! Just relax and let me, non?" He purred, placing a finger on the smaller nation's lips. Needless to say, England bit it. Hard.

"FUCK NO! GET OFF ME!"

"Ohonhon, mon Angleterre! If we are to kiss, it should be proper, non?"

"Francis, you dare kiss me like this and I will rip your balls off!"

"Oh mon chou, I already know you don't have the power to do anything anymore. Mais je t'aime anyway."

Damn. England thought, trying to push the French face away. He was going to need to play this game using a different strategy.

"And I love you too, Francis." He attempted to purr in the foreign voice he had heard the other infected use.

Francis's eyes widened as England's hand threaded into his hair and pulled him close.

"Not you too, Angleterre!"

The words made England mentally pause. It was the least pervy thing he had heard France say in weeks. Physically though, he leaned in and breathed deeply.

"Mmmm, France~! You smell so good… I could eat you all up." He brushed the tip of his nose along the strong neck and over the bristly chin.

"Angleterre, stop!"

"Why? Isn't this what you wanted?"

"Non! Oh, Angl-"

"IGIRISU-SAN! No! I was too late. I am sorry, I should of come in earlier." Japan sighed with regret, reaching for his katana.

"Fuck! Japan, no! I'm fine! I was acting so he wouldn't try anything!"

Needless to say, both countries present were completely confused.

"So… He hasn't kissed you yet?" Japan questioned worriedly. A smile grew on France's lips.

"Non, I have not kissed 'im yet… Mais now I know 'e was playing-"

Japan's sword flashed and a chunk of golden hair fell to the ground. France shrieked, clutching at his hair in panic.

"My hair! Mes cheveux! Mon beaux cheveux!"

England took the opportunity to get away from the panic-stricken nation. He knew what happened when someone cut Francis's hair. This was going to be... Bad.

"Japan, walk backwards. Slowly. Whatever you do, don't turn your back on him." England informed calmly, grabbing the Asian nation's arm and pulling him towards the door. He knew Japan hated to be touched for no reason, but if he was going to stand there in fighting mode he would soon be wishing he was dead. Or at least as touchy feely as Italy.

"Igirisu-san, what's wrong?" He tried to turn his head to look at England but was immediately yelled at.

"DO NOT TAKE YOUR EYES OFF HIM!"

Japan's eyes travelled back to the European nation on the floor clutching at the left over strands. He had become strangely quiet, hunched over and shivering slightly.

"Iggy-san, I do not understand." Once again he turned back to England.

"FUCK! JAPAN!"

Japan whirled around sharply to see the Frenchman's crazed face centimetres from his. His hands were holding onto the sword, cutting his palms to ribbons but he didn't show any sign of pain. He was shaking violently from the rage inside of him, yet managed to tilt his head. The dying light from the walled window cast long shadows over his face. Japan was reminded of the vengeful ghosts in so many of his films.

"Pourquoi?"

"F-F-France-san, what are you doing?" England pulled on his arm urgently, but he was trapped.

France acted like he didn't hear it at all.

"Pourquoi? Pourquoi? Pourquoi? Pourquoi? Pourquoi, pourquoi, POURQUOI?"

The blonde let go of the sword and reached for Japan's face. Frozen in shock, Japan did nothing but stare open eyed. Something in France's blue eyes had changed. He looked insanely angry.

"Vous allez payer pour ca, non?" France ran a sharp nail under Japan's chin and grinned manically.

"LET HIM FUCKING GO!" England screamed, rearing back his fist and connecting it with the offending nation's nose. Stunned, he staggered back as blood started to pour from it.

"RUN YOU BLOODY IDIOT!" He screeched, pulling Japan once more to the door. Still in shock, Japan pulled himself together just enough to stumble behind England. Behind him, France began to recover. "COME ON!"

They reached the door as France charged. Throwing it open, they fell out of the door and slammed it shut behind the two of them just in time. The crazed nation slammed into the door and began clawing at it.

"FUCKING HELL! DON'T JUST STAND THERE, HELP!" The English nation spat at the stunned others who were now staring at the two of them. They moved into action, helping to bar the door as the slamming on the other side became more and more insistent.

"What the, like, hell did you guys do in there?" Poland demanded, practically on the verge of a breakdown.

"You went and cut his hair didn't you? That's so unawesome, guys!"

"But Prussia-san, England-san would have been turned otherwise."

Prussia cocked an eyebrow before laughing.

"Kesesese~! Finally getting some action, Eyebrows?"

"If you don't shut the bloody well up next time we go drinking I'm setting France on you!"

"Which one?"

As though responding to his name, France assaulted the door again.

"Then again, I don't think my awesome self should have to deal with any of those." Prussia countered, blanching.

England looked around at all the frightened nations and sighed. There would be no further progression in this meeting. They had managed to get further than expected and had worked out the cause.

"Alright, chaps! That will be all then. You're free to go. Just remember to stay in groups. It'll be harder for the frogs to get to us. Good day." England announced before he strode away as if nothing happened, dragging a still delirious America behind him as France still attacked the door with gusto.

* * *

><p><strong>TRANSLATIONS<strong>

**DOBOS TORTA- (okay not a translation) This is a Hungarian dessert which was very popular during the 19th century. Basically it has 5 individually cooked layers with chocolate buttercream made from the best chocolate available and a layer of caramel-glazed cake on top. Anyone else thinks that sounds yummy? Seriously go look it up.**

**UNGARN MEIN LIEBER- Hungary, my love (German)**

**NEIN- no (German)**

**SEGGFEJ- Asshole (Hungarian)**

**SZOPJAL LE- Suck my dick (Hungarian) [This one I am dubious about to be honest. Anyone want to correct me? Could be SZIVAS FASZOM instead ^^"]**

**JE DETESTE- I hate (French)**

**MON PETIT LAPIN- My little rabbit (French)**

**MON CHOU- sweetie (French)**

**MAIS JE T'AIME- but I love you (French)**

**IGIRISU- England (Japanese)**

**MES CHEVEUX! MON BEAUX CHEVEUX!- My hair! My beautiful hair!**

**POURQUOI- Why?**

**VOUS ALLEZ PAYER POUR CA, NON?- You'll pay for that, right?**

…**.. waaaahhh! There were SOOOO many this time :( *goes and cries in a corner for having to do that* Still I apologise for sometimes missing this. I just upload it and completely forget I even have to do it. **

* * *

><p><strong>OKAY REVIEWERS<strong>

**wolfnymph1**

**^wozars how do you type that in each time without making a mistake. Okay I have to say your first review I read during class (ohh naughty) and everyone looked at me as I burst out laughing. You don't know how happy it made me. I suppose it's a say MASSIVE achievement haha. And I hoped you enjoyed seeing Austria infected ^w^ I tested this chapter on a friend and she was giggling so I hope I did it justice ^^' If not I apoligise**

**FrostyTheBookLover**

**hehe as you see England isn't infected but just for you I thought I would throw in a "taster" ;). Although if that is normal England being perverted imagine France England O.O *shivers***

**Maiya123**

**Sweetie! You gave me a list! It made me giggle. Especially Belgium being a bad ass mother fucker. Plus shouting at Japan not to go into a room... brilliant touch ;) Oh and don't worry I'm going to be focusing on Latvia and that bunch very shortly. Me and my mates have been testing cheesy pick-up likes so I've defiantly done my research!**

**Chelseaj500**

**hehe my lovely beta you don't have to try and draw it. You already do me enough with the whole putting up with my terrible spelling and grammar Ect. Ect. Keep up the good work me lovely!**

* * *

><p><strong>SO YEAH! I WANT MORE REVIEWS SWEETIES! MASSIVE HUGS AND VIRTUAL COOKIES FOR ALL WHO DO! Hehe~ Don't forget to send me requests for who to infect who. Seriously I'm just up for a free for all and I will take on anyone unless it messes with my ultimate plotplan. Wow I sound like a super villian! **

**Hope you enjoyed it!**

**Next time: Romano**

**Lots of Love**

**Jo**


	6. After the Meeting

**HEY! Sorry for the late update~ But here it is the next Contagion chapter all ready and waiting for you too hopefully laugh your very stripy socks off. Also before you start CHECK THIS OUT:-**

**http:/ mcullenhightopp. deviantart/art /APH-The-Makeover-186417462 (without the space of course)**

**It is Hilarious! **

**I LOVE YOU M. CULLEN HIGHTOPP! You made me oh SOOOO happy :) **

**THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS! *throws cookies out at the masses* EAT MY PRETTIES! I've added replies at the bottom...and even if I did reply previously I don't remember... my memory is terrible. So you are all there.**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

><p><strong>Present Day<strong>

Italy bounced down the street, blissfully unaware of the moods of the nations around him. Just like England had advised, many of the nations had spilt off into groups for a greater chance of making it safely through the next few hours. France, Germany, Denmark, Latvia and China were all in captivity but several others were still unaccounted for. And with a recently released turned nation who had a tendency to be invisible to others on the loose, nobody was taking any chances.

"Italy, don't wander too far, okay? We don't want anything bad to happen now, do we?"

Italy turned around at the sound of Hungary's voice and waved vigorously at her.

"It's fine! Whenever there's monsters about and if you're really loud and happy they'll never get you! Ve~!"

Hungary smiled and turned to Belgium who stared the two of them, giggling. Italy was just so cute sometimes.

Behind them Portugal grimaced. He didn't really know how he got dragged into this group. The other Italian walking surly beside him had roughly pulled him to one side muttering in a way of explanation, "Chigi! You'll be strong enough, bastard…"

Even though he was a hard worker, almost nobody paid much attention to him and out of all the people who had too take notice, it had to be the idiotic donkey's ass: Spain's lapdog.

Well, there was actually two reasons he was here, he admitted to himself as he watched Belgium break off a piece of chocolate and feed it to Hungary. He and Spain had always had the same taste in girls.

"Romano, are you going to tell me what all this is about?"

He didn't answer and instead Portugal noticed he was biting very hard on his lower lip.

"Have you too much sand in your truck?"Again, nothing. "Fine. If you don't want to tell me, I'll call over your brother, Ital-"

"No! I'm just...worried that's all."

"Anyone who has an ass-hole knows fear." He quipped back, suddenly nervous himself. Why were Romano's hands so tightly clenched into fists? "Tell me what's eating at you."

"I'm worried about... Spain, okay, bastard?…About who he'll go after, dammit."

"Monkeys bite me! Are you jealous? Ha! I wouldn't be worried about that. He doesn't fuck and doesn't move away either."

Romano blushed a scarlet red, resembling a certain type of fruit Portugal knew Spain would love to nibble on...

"N-Not that, bastard!"

"Hmm? Did I say something wrong? Seriously, calm down. He doesn't give one for the box, so I'm guessing he won't be able to infect anybody." He laughed heartily, slapping Romano on the back before realising just how tense the nation was.

"What if, you building bastard, he's already kissed someone?"

Finally it clicked into place and Portugal stared at the other country properly. His hands weren't clenched in anger, instead they were trying to repress shivers. The light wasn't making his skin look pale, he was becoming clammy and sick. He wasn't nervous, he was biting his lip to draw pain and distract his mind from the virus in his blood. Which obviously wasn't working as he bit harder, making it bleed.

"Rays break me! You kissed him and you told no one! Well, that's trusting the virgin and not running if I ever did see it!"

"Shut up!" Romano screamed, hitting him hard. The others turned around questioningly but soon became distracted again. "Look." He continued in a hushed tone. "As soon as I turn, I'm counting on you to knock me out, or shoot me or something! I don't think I can bear being anything like that wine bastard!"

"Well, you already are a bit what with the wine and the food and the being fashionable and all that."

"Shut up, bastard! I am no-" His deep hazel eyes widened as he was cut off by a large fit of coughing.

"Ah! Romano!" Portugal worriedly cried as he tried to steady the ill nation. The commotion caused the three in front to turn around. The girls' faces varied from happy to concerned to horrified realisation at what was happening. Italy, on the other hand, was clueless. He ran up to his brother waving his hands.

"Fratello~! Are you okay, fratello? You're not looking so hot, ve…"

"Italy, come here." Hungary demanded, holding out a hand. He didn't move and instead looked between the two boys and girls, confused.

"But my fratello-"

"Italy, it's too late. We can't do anything." Hungary cut him off, starting to panic. Next to her, the blonde laughed nervously.

"Maybe we should try and tempt him with some chocolate."

"Nah, going to need pasta for that." Hungry whispered back as she stroked the hilt of her frying pan. If the worst came to worst, she could knock out either of the Italians within a second.

In Portugal's arms, Romano had fallen still. His head was turned down and he seemed pretty much unconscious.

"Belgium, take North Italy. We need to get out to the open fast and if he gets under my feet then, so help me, I'll kick him like a puppy." Portugal looked down at the limp form in his arms. No reaction. Damn, he really had imagined the angry young Italian getting up and trying to blindly shoot at him.

Belgium hurried over and dragged North Italy away. When he kept trying to get to his brother, she shoved some of her famous rich chocolate in front of him and he contently nibbled on it, forgetting the situation momentarily.

"Hungary." Portugal continued now that he was sure Italy wouldn't do something stupid. "Do you have a gag?"

Now for most people, this would seem to be a weird question, but a huge grin appeared on her face. "What type?" She lifted one layer of her skirt and showed him the many 'gags' hidden there.

"Let's see... We've got the classic cotton, the kinky leather…. Ooh! That lead ball one from hostel! Elastic ones, plastic ones and foreign ones!" From what Portugal could see, these foreign gags were modelled on certain appendages. "Lacy ones, Velcro ones, ones dipped in chloroform, others dipped in perfume and over smells. Oh, and last but not least, the photogenic ones." She was pretty much showing the appendages attached to the back of her skirt for those.

Unfortunately, Portugal could only remember two Hungary had said, three at tops, but he couldn't use two of them. He doubted that when in his right sense of mind again, Romano would not have appreciated the drugs or the iron ball shoved in his gob, so he went with the safe option.  
>"Er, just a linen one please."<p>

Hungary pouted before recovering quickly. "What colour? I have red, blue, yellow, crimson, black, white, dotted, green, blood stained, other 'stains'…"

In his arms, he felt Romano shift. "Monkeys bite me, Hungary! Just give me a gag before he wakes up and kisses us all! This isn't Venezanio who has caught the virus, this is the embodiment of the origin of Mafia!"

She took off the green one and sighed. "Port, you're so boring." Easily she tossed it to the other.

He caught it with one practised hand and expertly tied the gag. Hungary watched with deep interest.  
>"Okay, maybe not so boring after all… Have you practised or something?" she licked her lips eagerly, thumbing the ever present camera. Romano groaned.<p>

"Guys, we don't have time for this! With exception to Germany and Spain, everyone turned soon after being infected and we don't have much time." Belgium cut in, trying her hardest not to give in to the temptation to break her friend's camera film and sell it to her for an inflated price.

"Who infected fratello, anyways?" Italy questioned, having finished his chocolate. "Ve, the only people he allows to kiss him is me and big brother Spain."

"And you've hit the donkey with the shovel on that one, Italy."

"Okay, I stand corrected. Spain, Germany and Romano are the only ones who have held out this long." Belgium looked thoughtful. "Unless Romano had Spain locked up somewhere! Like their own sex den! Brother has several of those."

Hungary's eyes grew huge. "Tell me the location of each and every one. Now."

"Guys! Do you have shit in your eyes? Have you already forgotten what's going on here?"

"Hey, it's all fine now isn't it? He's gagged."

"Would you say that it's safe to be around a gagged Francis?"

Silence.

"I thought not. So help me get him to our hotel. We'll tie him up properly and call England. Even if he's not himself, he's still basically the lord of all things Mafia and God knows what he had to adapt to under that donkey's rule! He's probably the world's best escape artist by now!"

The moment of terror and suspense that reigned was broken by Romano's stomach growling.

"Ah! Lovi must be hungry! I'll make some pasta, ve~!"

Belgium laughed grimly and helped pick up Romano. "When he wakes up, he's definitely going to be hungry… And I, for one, am off the menu."

* * *

><p><strong>At the Hotel Room<strong>

Portugal covered his ear, trying to drown out the incriminating sounds behind him.

"Are you sure, Portugal? Has he changed?" England asked exasperatedly.

"I'm pretty sure I can tell when he starts acting like France, Arthur. I haven't got shit in my eyes."

"No~! Stop that!"

"Italy! Calm down, this is nothing!"

"No~ Fratello! Please don't do this!"

"Hmmmmmm! Hm hm ahhhh hmm gak!"

"No, don't undress him!"

"Hungary, this is going too far! You have to stop it and put the camera away!"

"Hmmm! 'Ummm mm hemmmm!"

"Stop being a stick in the mud, Bells You would be all over this if you thought you could make a profit!"

"But he's a kid!"

"That never stopped you before-"

"MY LORD, SHUT IT! I'M TRYING TO TALK TO ENGLAND HERE! YOU ARE HERE AND YOU ARE EATING, GOT IT?" Portugal rounded on the four nations as a ripped Armani shirt landed on his head, glaring. Romano was topless and handcuffed to the radiator, the gag still in place as Hungary had one hand on his trousers and the other on her camera in the process of undressing him. The only reason he wasn't already naked was the fact that Italy was hanging onto Hungary's arm with all his might trying to stop her. Belgium was sitting on the bed watching calmly and eating some chocolate.

"Is everything alright over there?" Came the concerned question through the hotel phone.

"Sim, just the idiots here being even more idiotic! …As I was saying, he definitely is ill and he even admitted to being kissed by Spain shortly after he turned, so he really is infected, but..."

"But he hasn't turned even though he blacked out. Well, bloody hell. Tell me once more exactly what happened when he woke-" A loud crash that interrupted England made Portugal pull the phone away from his ear.

"AMERICA, YOU BLOODY GIT! That was a gift from my mumsy!"

"Whoa, cool it, dude! It was only an ugly vase."

Portugal heard England mutter every single curse he knew under his breath.

"As soon as he woke up, he had this strange glint in his eyes. But Italy, the fastest I had ever seen, ripped off the gag, stuffed a pizza slice in his mouth and then gagged him again. He had been crying over how much his brother's stomach had been rumbling and we couldn't stop him. Then Romano started choking so we had to save him but he fainted once more... And now I'm pretty sure he's calling us bastards behind his gag."

"So he's cured?"

"No, he still has a raging fever and delirium."

"Well, I didn't exactly believe that pizza was going to help… Damn. Just find somewhere secure for him until we get there. We can put him in one of our dungeons later."

"I'M THE HERO! HAHAHA!"

"I hear America is back to his normal state."

"Not really. Listen to this… Oi, American idiot! I'm thinking of cooking hamburgers for dinner!"

The scream and yells of "no" were deafening. Then:

"DUDE! You listen to Green Day too?"

"I swear if I end up paying for his therapy, I'll kill him myself."

"Okay, well, thanks England. See you later."

"Ah,right. Tally ho, Portugal. We shall be there as soon as possible."

Portugal hung up and turned to the others. They had all calmed down except for Romano who was still cursing through the gag. Portugal cautiously hooked his fingers around the gag and pulled. Without it in place, he was hit by one of the longest sets of swears he had ever heard.

"CHIGI! BASTARD! ABSOLUTE BORING BASTARD, WHAT THE FUCK! WHY THE FUCKING HELL DID YOU GAG ME? _AND LEAVE WITH THEM_? FUCK YOU!"

"Calm down-"

"Non! Batard! Non!"

They all froze once more. Seriously. It must be really cold.

"Qu'est-ce? Pouvez-vous pas parler? Batard!"

"Well... Wow, that's a different type of France."

"Je vais envahir l'ensemble de regions vitales et tuer putain vous, putain batards!"

"All I got there was vital regions..." Hungary said slowly, staring at the Italian spouting fluent French. This didn't happen with the others.

"... I think that's all anybody got." Belgium replied, torn between unlocking Romano's handcuffs while once again whipping out her phone and backing away, terrified.

"Ve~? Fratello... Why are you speaking in French?"

"Je ne parle pas en francais idiot, je ne peux pas! Je suis italienne!"

"He doesn't even realise he's speaking in French. The disease is progressing…" Portugal muttered, concerned. "If this continues we won't just be perverted... The whole _world_ will BE French!"

"Dear God, I can only just cope with one France below me." Belgium sighed, preparing herself for the worse. How was she meant to satisfy all the Frenchmens' desires for her nations delicacies?

"Ve, I don't want be like France! He's way behind in fashion! How am I meant to deal without my armani! It's an outrage! I don't want to be Fraaaance!" The Italian was speaking as fast as he could run, which made whatever he said incomprehensible.

"Calm down, Italy! Just don't let people kiss you."

"But what if a pretty girl comes up to see me and it's warm and she throws herself at me and kisses me like they often do? I may be a virgin, but I can't be kiss free forever! And what if everyone else kisses people and I'm all alone? That isn't fair at all! And it always happens! Please don't let me turn into big brother France!"

"Italy, stop this! You're letting water in. We're safe! Romano is still handcuffed and we're on the third floor, so I'm pretty sure no one will come in via the window and the door is locked. We'll be fine."

"Ohonhonhon! I wouldn't be so sure, mes petite lapins~!"

Behind them, with open cuffs dangling on his right hand as he twirled them around amusedly and perverted grin plastered on his face, Romano stood. A few moments stretched out in silence. Then Romano's smirk grew wider and all hell broke loose.

* * *

><p><strong>TRANSLATIONS<strong>

**Okay,** **I'm going to need to explain some of the idioms or whatever they**'**re** **called. So**

**PORTUGUESE** **TRANSLATIONS**

**Have you too much sand in your truck?-** Are you in over your head?

**Anyone who has an asshole knows fear**- It's okay to be afraid

**Monkeys bite me**- Basically said when you are intrigued or surprised. You know because being bitten by a monkey does that. (being brought back to reality)

He doesn't fuck and doesn't move away either

**He doesn't give one for the box**- He doesn't say or do anything right.

**Rays break me**- Mad or intrigued about something

**Trusting the virgin and not running**- When someone is in trouble and does nothing about it instead trusting that the Virgin Mary will come up with a miracle. Romano gets this because well... He is still Italy.

**I haven't got shit in my eyes **(okay I may of made this one up but it sounds right) I'm not blind. OR I can see/understand what's going on

**You are here, you are eating**- If you don't behave I will slap you. (yeah like that's obvious)

**You're letting water in-**You don't know what you're talking about. OR You're making a fool of yourself. Both apply here.

**You've hit the donkey with the shovel on that one**-(This one I have DEFINITELY made up) But you know it's the same as hit the nail on the head. Got it in one. Using idioms to describe idioms... well done.

**NORMAL TRANSLATIONS**

**Fratello** **-**Brother (Italian)

**Sim****-**Yes (Portuguese)

**Non! Batard! Non!**- No! Bastard! No! (French)

**Qu'est-ce? Pouvez-vous pas parler? Batard.** - What? Can't you speak? Bastard. (French)

**Je vais envahir l'ensemble de regions vitales et tuer putain vous, putain batards! **- I will invade all your vital regions and fucking kill you, fucking bastards! (French)

**Je ne parle pas en francais idiot, je ne peux pas! Je suis italienne!**- I don't speak French idiot, I can't. I'm Italian. (French)

**Mes petite lapins** - My little rabbits(French)

* * *

><p><strong>Hi! It's Chelseaj500 here! I've been beta'ing for this story, and honestly, I love it. This plot is amazing and all of it belongs to Geeres. She's been very patient with me as I've been very slow when it comes to editing this... I'm so sorry! All of the late updates are my fault. I'll try to be better from now on! Geeres is awesome and I love chatting with her about various things... ^^ Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for bearing with me and please continue reading Contagion!<strong>

**P.S.: I hope you guys enjoyed the Green Day joke... I couldn't resist. :D**

* * *

><p>Hey~ Jo AKA Geeres here again. Just want to say a big thank you to Chelsea of course. Especially for the Green Day joke... I stared at it for a few seconds re-read it then burst out laughing... Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and I too am sorry for the long wait. But good news for all those who have been waiting right? So far I've only got a quarter of the next one written... but lets just say I've had a bit of a laugh with that one too. And there could be a smudge of USUK. Fluffy though... VERY FLUFFY! Why am I telling you this stuff? Oh I think it's just to keep you entertained as you wait hehe.<p>

**COOKIES FOR EVERYONE WHO REVIEWS**! (seriously I'm having my own personal contest between my stories to see which one can get the most reviews in the least amount of chapter... if you like English Rose make it win!

Ah yeah! Before I forget. On valentine's day I was walking in Canterbury (like you do when you have a bf but you end up hanging around with your mates instead) and I came across a wine shop (oh Francis :') ) with "ENGLISH ROSE" written on the glass in fancy writing with a image of a rose behind it. Needless to say I took a picture :) I'll have to upload it somewhere and show you guys.

WOW I've written too much.

ARRIVEDERCI!

* * *

><p><strong>SO NEXT TIME: I actually don't know everything that's thats going to happen. I have the basic outline so if you want you can give me an idea of who you want to see next infected! WAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh I'm having way too much fun with this :') <strong>

**Reviews**

**teenbooks4eva**

Hey there~ Glad you loved it. I hope you loved this one as much as before (maybe even more so if we push it... but infected Austria has to be hard to beat hehe)

**Anactolica**

I'm sorry sweetie! I always mean to send you previews and then I completely forget when we go off on one of our tangents ;)

Did you ever show this to Sam? I was really concerned she would turn perverted Austria on us just to see if we would react like in the story... Seeing as we are Prussia and Hungary ;D... omg we would have been rolling on the floor fighting and she would be watching us creepily D: GAAHHH scary! And yeah... here's your cookies **passes cookies but takes one back to nom on it **hey I get hungry too you know!

**Maiya123**

WAHAHAHAHA! So happy that I freaked you out bit ;) It makes me OH so happy! I can see France freaking out too~ I really want to see that! Soooo badly! And with Hungary... I basically wrote it as me. It just made life a bit easier now that I act like her. That is EXACTLY how I would of reacted.

Gaahhh oh that's me being idiotic -_- danke sweetie! I've never taken German so for the majority of that it's all G. Translate fault ;)

**Chelseaj500**

hehe don't worry I triple check it... and if we both miss it then **shrugs **that's just how it works.

**FrostyTheBookLover**

In my mind I only have you playing baseball shouting SAFE! Oh, go to Hungary and tell me all about it! Actually go to Hungary then send me some dobos torta. I want to try it too! Believe me I don't think ANYONE would want to go through a perverted Austria.

OHONHONHON! Come on mon ami. It's FRANCE! A country which is famous not only for its perverse nature but also for the tendency to kiss on both cheeks in greeting and to say good bye. ;)

**M. Cullen Hightopp**

Oh... I LOVE YOU! The Lithuania picture! XD Priceless! So priceless I just HAD to advertise it!

How did Austria get infected? Hmm I don't want to say ;D ruins the mystery~ and this is not me using it as an excuse to hide the fact I don't actually know how... I REALLY do... I just am being evil!

Short haired France is HILARIOUS.

Don't worry you are one of many who want to see England infected... thus why I am stretching it out for as long as I possibly can ;D It'll be one of the best ones! I wouldn't be able to top it! Haha.


	7. Hotel and Snow Mass infection

******HELLO! I have returned believe it or not after my two month absence to give you a new chapter of Contagion. Just so you know this hasn't been betaed by my normal lonely beta because I was just too excited to be updating again. ^^" yeah my attitude sucks sometimes. So yes, I'm back and kicking and probably have quite a few spelling and grammar mistakes for you to play treasure hunt with. I've been sitting on half of this chapter for ages! **

**So I must say sorry for my absence and that I will try updating more often for all of my stories. Bar Fun House... I lost all my chapters I had written and I'm not in the killer mood I was in before when I started writing it. But that's a good thing right?**

**ON WITH THE STORY!**

**I do not own Hetalia. Done. Before I forget. I DON'T! LISTEN TO ME FANFICTION I DON'T! *cries***

* * *

><p><strong>PRESENT DAY (PORTUGAL'S HOTEL ROOM, AMERICA)<strong>

England stared around him in shock.

What the fucking hell had happened here?

The room was a complete and utter mess, clothes had been thrown about and ripped, chairs had been upended, the bed looked well used and England was sure there was blood splattered on the wall. By the bed was a well dented frying pan, abandoned, along with a ribbon as though it had been pulled roughly from another's hair. The carpet had been ripped up, muddied prints left up and down the carpet and walls. Broken handcuffs where hanging on the inside door handle and a hat had met England and America when they first appeared. Needless to say England wouldn't let America open the door for a good 5 minutes in fear of what the young nation would find. However after America had listened at the door and assured England that there was silence they had eventually ventured in to find… this.

"Hey, England… what do you think happened?"

"How the bloody hell am I meant to know git? I'm not a psychic,"

"Wait! Are you telling me that all that magic is a lie?"

"Oh, so now you start believing? Well it's too late! Bloody idiot."

He didn't want to go any further, scared of the things he would see hidden under that bed or squashed against the curtains or even in that bathroom with the door swinging open on very broken hinges, but he didn't really have a choice. America pushed him roughly in the back all too ready for this ex-guardian to go first in the likely event of a France invested nation jumping him. But too his relief as he stumbled in, no-one ran to attack him and nothing stirred among the chaos.

"Don't worry Alfred, it's safe." England said as he tentatively walked forwards. America jumped in holding his gun like a undercover cop and scoured the area. He walked, back to the wall, all around trying his best not to kick anything apart from the bathroom door.

"Freeze!" He shouted but no noise or movement retaliated and he sagged disappointedly. He had really been looking forward to shooting somebody.

"I think everybody's left," England said in a sarcastic tone. He had watched the whole of America's small display with a look close to 'what-the-fuck' and 'jesus-did-I-really-raise-this-baffoon'.

"No shit Sherlock," America replied just as sarcastically, kicking the small waste basket forcibly and sending tissues everywhere.

"Don't go dragging my Holmes through the mud! And you're contaminating evidence git!"

"Pfft~ you're enjoying this aren't you? You want to play the high and mighty detective. Well I'm not going to ruin your fun. What can you tell me oh smart one?"

"...Seriously? You're going to use that attitude on me? I seriously wonder about you Alfred. I really do,"

"But you so want to be Sherlock Holmes don't you?"

"Well you want to be like your superheroes don't you?"

"...Okay I guess it is rather similar. I must just be stressed."

"No shit Sherlock."

"Hey! How comes you're allowed to use it?"

"He's my national character, I get to use him as I wish."

"Bastard detective,"

"Heroic git" They snapped at each other but they smiled at each other friendly. Just another day in the American and English strange relationship.

England felt much more relaxed after that and continued to search for any clue, however it was without the use of a giant magnifying glass. It wasn't that they were _partners_, like many of the other nations believed, they were more just very close. I mean after all they had been through in the past there had to be emotional ties between them, it wasn't like the nations forgot their allies or charges. They do have hearts.

While deep in thought his flying mint bunny flew around surveying the damage too.

"Mr England, I think that Romano got loose,"

"You don't say," England replied quietly praying that America wouldn't hear him. Last time he had... well.. it had not ended well for England.

AMERICA'S HAPPY PILLS SHOULD NEVER BE TAKEN BY A NATION WITH A SIXTH SENSE!

"Who are you talking too?"

Just his luck.

"The flying hamburger fairy."

"GAK! England don't be so mean!"

"Stop being such a wimp then and help me sort this stuff out. We need to get in contact with Portugal or Italy or one of the girls."

America grumbled angrily but whipped his phone out and started calling Hungary, she practically supplied half of his female population with images to keep them occupied with, it wasn't at all weird to have her on speed dial. It rang once or twice as England investigated more. He was crouched by the bed about to lift up the cover when, only a second or two later, America grunted and cut off the call.

"No response. It's not like her, she always picks up the phone in the first three rings no matter what. Something is wrong dude."

"Well try and contact the others you idiot! Jesus."

"Just chill Iggy. They'll be fine. It was only Romano changing, and Italy was there, I doubt he did anything even France has morals."

Hand still on the duvet England turned to stare incredulously at the other nation.

"What about Canada?"

America blanched looking very very sickly all of a sudden. "Okay forget I said anything dude. Just can you please stop reminding me of this stuff,"

He moved away trying Hungary's phone once again. Knowing her it would be on vibrate. Strong vibrate. Which is why America only felt a slight shock as his left leg suddenly started to spasm. He lifted his boot off the ripped silk shirt which he move with his toe to one side. Beneath it was Hungary's slick phone undamaged. He picked it up noticing the red light flashing up. It had been recording. Feeling a lot more like a spy once again he stopped the recording and waited for it to save. It was taking bloody forever.

Bored he looked around the place again. It really was a mess. He was surprised England was keeping a straight head. He was almost as bad as Germany with how things should be set out.

Speaking of England, he seemed to be having alot of trouble with the bed sheet America observed.

Finally. The phone vibrated in his hand now showing the play button. Lets see what was happening here then. He pressed play.

'ARGHHHH fratello! Fratello stop it!'

That was Italy's voice right? The phone had been shaking violently in who America guessed was Hungary's hands.

'Port! Omg I don't know if I should support this pairing or running for the hills!'

Hungary, obviously.

'Wow Romano sure has a strong tongue'

Belgium really had grown in her perverted mindset since meeting the other nation.

'You can say that again'

Now there was no fault there. Romano was really good with his tongue...not that America knew that...(convincing anyone? Nope, all is known about the 1920s) Of course during that time America's tongue had had a lot of practise too.

Then the phone had been dropped the only thing visible being half the bed and the door which two female nations where fleeing through. Just off camera you could catch a glimpse of what was taking place on the bed.

America cocked his head to one side as though it would allow him to see more. That's when he caught sight of it. Horror registered as his attention snapped back to his former caretaker struggling with the sheets.

"Almost there-"

"Iggy! Don't-"

But is was too late. The sheets ripped and from under the bed the thing shot up. Its head connected heavily with the bed almost flipping the heavy oak frame onto its side.

"WAH! I'MSOSORRY! IDIDN'TMEANTOHIDEUNDERTHEBED! IJUSTDIDN'TWANTTODIE! DON'THANDMEOVERTOMYFRATELLO, IHAVEAFAMILYANDKIDS! THINKOFTHEBAMBINOS! YOUWOULDN'?"

England and America stared dumbfounded at the nation. How could anybody talk so fast?

"I'! IJUSTSIDN''TKNOWWHATTODO~"

"Italy! Calm down old sport it's only us!"

"Woah Italy! I didn't know that you were expecting! Congrats dude!"

"GAH! IT'STHEALLIES! I'MSORRYITWASALLLIES! LIES! IDON'TEVENHAVEAWIFE!"

"Awh, too bad bro"

"America! Why in heaven's name are you talking about Italy having kids! And why the fuck didn't you warn me I was about to have a crazed Italian jumping out at me from under the bed!"

"Dude I tried! I was going to say don't pull on the cloth there's a freaked out Italian under there who will end up clinging to you like a dependant puppy limpet hybrid if you showed him mercy and would want hugs and gourmet food every day for the next 60 years but you weren't listening!'

"And just how long did you think it would of taken to of conveyed that message you git,"

"A little less then the time it took me to tell you now Iggy! Jesus what crawled into your scone and died in it?"

As they argued a rather alarmed Italian had finally regained sense of where he was and that he had hit it head rather hard on solid wood. He saw this time as a perfect time to take an injury induced siesta and promptly fainted.

"Well you have an aversion to the letter 'u'!"

"No way! Have you seen my name U.S.A. It's at the freaking beginning!"

"Your ego is so big you probably used up all the English 'u's in that monstrosity."

"They're not English they are American!"

"Bloody git they are basically the same thing! You just butchered yours!"

"Pfft yeah right bro you just can't handle the fact that American is ten times better then English,"

"At least we have Jaffa Cakes!"

"Low blow! Don't go bringing food into the equation!"

"Aww what just because your people aren't getting upstairs because of your greasy hamburgers?"

"Well at least mine is edible! Right Italy!...Italy?"

The two nations turned round and stared in shock at the unconscious nation.

"America..."

"Yes Iggy?"

"You don't think he was kissed do you?"

"Why do you ask that?"

"Before they turn into perverse Frenchmen the victims lose consciousness."

"Fuck, what are we going to do?"

"Tie him up, gag him, anything to ensure that if he does change we can stop him from kissing us,"

"So we should eat some garlic bread! Make our breath stick!"

"America this is the French, they love garlic"

"Ahaha I knew that!"

"Yeah of course you did. Help me rip this into strips okay. We'll use then to bind him." He chucked America the shirt who stared at it his mind going off on several tangents. He shook his head violently to dispel the image from his head Why the hell had he been thinking that England would look good bound up in silk?

To keep his mind off the man in front of him crouched down beside Italy he hastily tore up the shirt. With the strips all ready he went to tie up the Italian but was stopped by Arthur placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Give them here brat. I doubt you even know how to tie a decent knot,"

He handed them wordlessly over and watched as Britain expertly tied up Italy's wrists and ankles leaving enough room so that he wouldn't lose blood flow but couldn't get free after. Then he carefully placed the last piece of fabric into the Italian's mouth and tied it around the back of his head with another precise knot.

America stared open mouthed. Oh he really wanted to try that. To grab England tie him to the bedposts and make him scream into that silk gag. Screaming his name, country and human, begging to be free, to love back. He wanted to take away all his layers of being a gentleman and...

"OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?"

England shoot him a look to behave and went to pick up Italy.

Oh my, that look. Would he show it to me when I did something 'wrong' and needed punishing?

America gave out another yelp and covered his eyes, trying to block out all of the images.

"America? Are you alright old chap?" In response all he got was a frantic nodding of the head. Sighing England turned and walked out the door. Realising he was all alone in a room that looked like it belonged to a sexy horror movie, America bolted for the door after England. The images however stayed with him making him feel dizzy. This was going to be a long night.

/

**PRESENT DAY. (SOMEWHERE IN RUSSIA)**

Lithuania sighed deeply and swept up the broken glass of what had previously been a vodka bottle. Had Russia cleaned once since the Baltics had left?

The squealing behind him made He knew teaming up in a group with Russia, Belarus AND Poland had been a terrible idea. He only wished he knew it would get this traumatic this quickly.

"Russie! You're so boring with your clothes you have to let me make you a bit more, like, fashionable!"

"Really?" Russia asked looking down at his long coat and scarf. "I thought I looked alright today,"

"Alright? Ha you look more like you have kept your clothes from when Russia was founded!" Poland laughed at his little joke while Russia looked at him curiously.

"But I have."

Poland stopped laughing and span round to look at Lithuania. "You lived with him for like hundreds of years and you never told him he looks like a museum exhibit?"

Why, oh why did Poland have to drag Lithuania into this. "Latvia did once, but that didn't end so well." he mumbled wanting nothing more for an excuse to get out of the room quickly as possible.

"What did you say comrade?" Russia asked in his cold fake voice.

That was all the excuse Lithuania needed. He shook his head vigorously and backed out of the room hastily. The others watched him leave. It was only as the door clicked shut that Poland once again turned his attention on to Russia.

"So lets get you naked and like, burn those old rags, big boy,"

Outside of the room Lithuania sighed heavily in relief. Why had he even thought making a team with Russia would be a good idea? This place was full of lunatics with pipes and daggers and-

"If you move a muscle I will slit your throat,"

Speak of the devil and ONE of them would appear. Admittedly, Lithuania thought to himself, at least this one is good looking.

"Belarus I hardly think-"

"Shut up unless you want to be cleaning up red stains. What's going on?" She hissed, her eyes manic.

"Sister you shouldn't talk to people like that. Sorry Mr Lithuania. We were just wondering what our brother was doing," The big breasted nation of Ukraine smiled at Lithuania who smiled tentatively back.

"It's alright Miss Ukraine, Poland is just trying to expand Russia's wardrobe."

Belarus eyed him distrustful, the dagger still poised near his next even though her sister was trying to pull it away. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I am.."

The interrogation was interrupted by a large groan from inside the room.

"Come on Rus stop the teasing and put it on already,"

"No. It will hurt my manhood,"

"If you don't it'll like hurt you more then it will hurt me."

"Fine I'll do it, da?"

A loud cheer came from Poland. Outside everything was quiet. After a few seconds Poland started moaning.

"Come on Russia! It's not that small just push that big head into it!"

"Niet, I can't. It's too tight."

"God you are like, beyond hopeless. Let me help."

"Huh? No! Poland, don't that hurts! It won't fit!"

"On stop being a baby. I've done it like millions of times. Come on just a little more," the room was suddenly filled with the sounds of the two nations 'struggling'.

Still in stunned silence, Lithuania, Belarus and Ukraine listened, wide eyed. They were still statues 10 minutes later, when they heard the two nations grunt in relief and heavy panting resume its place.

"So, how do you feel?"

"It's still so tight but good da."

Belarus snapped then. She pushed Lithuania out of the way and kicked the door in. Ukraine ran swiftly after her, her boobs bouncing loudly. Getting to his feet who quickly Lithuania went to see what was happening too.

"BROTHER RUSSIA WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Sister please calm down,"

"I WILL SKIN THAT CROSS DRESSING PUS-"

"Sister!"

"What is all the yelling about?" Russia asked turning around in shock. Lithuania was much too pleased that he had learnt how to hide his emotions a bit better. If he hadn't he would have been rolling on the floor laughing. Russia stood there in a knit pink jumper complete with little yellow ponies. It was obviously two sizes two small for him seeing as it looked so strained over his broad chest. But the whole image just looked, wrong.

Lithuania looked over at Belarus and Ukraine to see looks of shock on their faces.

"What is it?" Russia asked in his thick accent looking down at himself, "Do I have something on me?"

"Doesn't he look fabulous guys?" Poland asked moving closer to Russia to move the scarf a bit so they could get a full proper look at the glittering, pink, pony jumper. When none of them replied for fear of angering the Russian, Poland pouted. "If you guys aren't even going to tell me how absolutely brilliant I am you might as well get out and stop interrupting my project. He pulled on Russia's arm to turn him away from the three still stood staring, finally bringing Belarus around.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM!"

In turn Ukraine's bubble burst too and she erupted in to a fit of squeals, bouncing on her heels.

"Brother you look so cute!"

Russia once again looked confused but shrugged, smiling his usual strange smile. "So what did you come crashing in here for?"

The awkward explanations which followed, inhibited by Belarus' possessive clinging to Russia, Ukraine's bouncing boobs and Poland's complaints of having his creative streak ruined, was interrupted by a sudden very loud scream.

"!"

Oh that really couldn't be good.

All five of them rushed back out the door and towards where Estonia had shouted. Or at least, Lithuania ran full pelt out the door. Russia walked his normal calm self laughing, while Belarus still clung to his arm and Poland tugged on the jumper. Ukraine tried her best to keep up with Lithuania but had to be careful not to knock herself out. The male nation had spent many a year running after Russia' every whim so was pretty quick on his feet.

"ESTONIA!"

The corridors lined with all sorts of historical artefacts flew past as Lithuania sped towards the "dungeon". Sounds of crashing and manic laughter hit the nations. Yet that laughter wasn't from whom they thought.

"ESTONIA, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" Lithuania stopped short in the doorway.

"Hello Lithuania, do you mind helping me,"

Oh mother of God.

At that moment, Estonia was barely keeping himself safe, a chair between him and his attackers.

"How did this happen?"

Ukraine had caught up.

"I don't know, I was trying to read Latvia's brainwaves and the next second this little robot came through the wall." Estonia reported sounding more like he was offering the two of them tea. Which certainly was not apt seeing as both Latvia and Sealand were after his lips.

"My dear, put the chair down and I'll show you how much of a nation I am all, night, long,"

"Nē, lets keep the chair and I can satisfy you til the sun rises,"

Those were two mental images none of the uninfected in that room needed to see.

"Who made a big hole in my dungeon wall?"

Russia had arrived.

Sealand turned around a sniggered. "I bet I can make YOUR dungeon wall bigger." He winked while everyone else cringed.

"What has England been teaching you?' Russia asked calmly, voicing the question on everybody's mind.

"Nothing more than he taught half of the world,"

The facial expression of everyone sane there showed their distress.

England you old pervert.

/

England sneezed loudly almost dropping Italy.

"Woah dude, are you alright?"

England shooed away the Americans concerns before sneezing again.

"It's nothing. Someone must be talking about me is all,"

"What ever you say old man, I think you've caught a cold,"

"Like hell I would. I'm British, I deal with cold weather all the a-a-A-CHOO!"

The force of the sneeze caused England to stubble back and Italy once again looked in danger.

"Okay fine you 'don't' have a cold. Now hand over Italy before you knock him out for good,"

/

Meanwhile, back in a snowy Russia.

"брат, we should consummate our marriage the traditional way, няма?"

"WE'RE NOT MARRIED! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Ohonhon but we are брат. Stop frolicking in the snow half naked and run into my arms,"

"NO WAY! STAY AWAY FROM ME!"

Russia was hiding just inside the snow covered forest, gripping the tree for dear life. His now torn jumper hanging off his muscular arms in shreds. Hot on his tail was Belarus, not looking as murderous as normal buy defiantly perversely enough that Russia felt sick to his stomach as he wanted her from his hiding spot.

And then there was the others.

"Oh but Russia, don't you want to come and tell your favourite servant off?"

"LEAVE ME BE LITHUANIA!"

"I'll experiment with you Lithi. I'll even let you use that whip."

"DON'T USE MY WHIP FOR THAT SORT OF THING!"

"Loosen up Ruski. Be more like the pays d'amore," came a about from near the house. "And bring some wine home instead of all this vodka. It's too sharp for a lovers tongue!"

"Ha!" It was Lithuania again. "You hardly know anything. You can not match up to me for being a lover,"

"Ha indeed, how do you think you will win people over if you dress like that and brandish a whip when inviting them to your chamber."

"I won't get them all I will just get the right type," Oh, Russia could almost hear the wink. He shivered. If he ever wanted to disappear it was at that moment completely.

"Why have I never noticed what big assets I have,"

Russia slouched in defeat. That pushed it right over the edge. He would never be able to look at his sister again.

Behind him a twig snapped. He turned sharply, alert and ready for an attack. None came but he didn't relax.

"Show yourself. Otherwise I burn down forest with you inside da?"

"That would be a bit of a set back. Where would we hide?" Estonia whispered stepping out from the darkness and into Russia's line of sight. "We can't hang around. We need to run,"

"But my house and country. I can't let them attack."

"Would you rather become like that?" Estonia hissed.

"I just have to knock then out and put them with France. Should be easy-"

"Бгат, I found you! I get a kiss now, няма?"

Arms wrapped around him tightly as the platinum blonde nation jumped on him. Russia struggled but Belarus' crazed grip was too strong. Her iron legs snaked around his waist, holding him in place.

"Belarus, get off!"

"Non,"

"BELARUS!"

"Oh that's no fun. You're already screaming my name and I'm hardly doing anything."

"ESTONIA!" Russia squealed trying to shake his sister off him, begging to be saved. When asked by other nations later he would never admit this. It will forever remain his secret. Or it would have done if at the same second that Belarus bit playfully at his lip, a heavy piece of computer equipment hadn't crashed into her unsuspecting head. She lost consciousness quickly, her arms and legs relaxing and letting go of her terrified brother. Looking up in shock from his now unconscious infected sister he came face to face with the puzzled frown on Estonia's lips.

"I had so my information on there I hadn't yet save to external hard drives and USBs. Such a waste."

Russia stared incredulously before smiling. "You know, da? I don't know if I should praise you for being so violent or punish you for hitting my sister."

Estonia waved a hand on the air dismissively.

"I'm sure you'll figure it out "

Yells of Russia in different tongues cut off the soviet nation's retort.

"We had better go. Staying here any longer would be idiotic." Estonia stated with a slight smile.

Nodding in reply, Russia took one last look at his home, now over run with perverse nations, before leaving.

Kanada, China, you will rue the day you perverted those two tiny nations and unleashed them on my house.

* * *

><p><strong>GAH! I don't want to do translations! *slumps* Okay. Lets do this thing... I don't think there were that many.<strong>

**okay an easy one**

**da? - Yes? (Russian)**

**брат - Brother (Russian)**

**pays d'amore -Country of Love (French)**

**няма? - No? (?) (Belarussian)**

**Kanada - Canada**

**SUCK ON THAT! Now reviews!**

**Chelseaj500-** Sorry I didn't use you for this chapter love. I really should of it doesn't feel as funny without your imput. I'm finally back though. Let's celebrate huh?

**Maiya123-** hehe I'm glad I scared the hell out of you :D It makes it worth it. The Portuguese phrases made the chapter for me. I had so much fun looking them up and finding ways to use them. I probably went over board but I don't care! I love them! I need to slip them into everyday conversations!

**M. Cullen Hightopp**- I am soooo happy your computer is back up and working! I can't wait to see some more pictures. I just thought I would reinforce how much Italy does not want to be France. It always makes me giggle. Tomato box fairy with a bed. Italy has moved up in the world huh? ;)

**Dogsrule-** I'm glad you found it funny! I wish someone was taking pictures too! Instead I give you a film of what happened. I think that pretty much counts. Although if you want to see some pictures go check out M. Cullen Hightopp's deviant art. She's drawing me fanart *spazes*

**Simonana-** oh *taps nose* All will be known with time but you are defiantly asking the right questions! Did I do Belarus and Russia justice? I wanted to write more of it but I was really impatient with getting this up! Thank you very much though!

**FrostyTheBookLover-** I'm back again! Even more reason to celebrate! Oh my love you didn't read one of the chapters very well. Spain ended up snogging Romano when he went to give him soup! Although that was quite a while ago. But by all means think Spamano thoughts. I know I love it too! He just seemed like the type who would do it.

**KaiyoUchiha- **I UPDATED! I'm sooo sorry it took me so long! Really!. I hope you enjoyed it even with the wait.

**AND I AM OUT OF HERE! BOOM BABY! I am going to curl up in a corner and get on with some further maths work. Ciao!**

**oh! *throws cookies* ENJOY! please review if you liked it or have a question or want to see someone get infected. :) ASTA LA VISTA BABIES!**


	8. Explosions and English Beverages

**Hello! Sorry it's been forever but I'm here with a half update! YAY! Yeah it's only half a chapter so it's pretty short and I'm sorry for that but hey UPDATE! Oh and I used a different beta this time :) But I can't remember the name she uses on here... ^^" It just means I haven't been on here much.**

**So yeah don't expect anything else up soon but know I haven't forgotten about these stories. It just takes a while now. **

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8 (Explosions and English Beverages)<strong>

"When will the pom be back, already? We need to tell him about Sealand." The Australian, who was normally so relaxed and joyful at the thought of wrestling dangerous animals, looked nervous at the thought of what was to come. Luckily no one present had been hurt. When Sealand had escaped, they tried to herd him back into his room. However, after Hong Kong's explosion had been a little more powerful than first expected, the young micro-nation had escaped. Half of England's house was also now little more than rubble and dark residue-covered walls within a 10-feet radius. Hong Kong still hadn't confessed to purposefully setting real explosives instead of the flash bombs he was meant to use, but everyone knew he liked making England's house "disappear".

"He'll be back soon, Oz. I'm sure he won't be to mad," the short-haired male said while holding a small sheep close to his chest. Being here, in a dirty, cramped city was not exactly the most comfortable place he had ever been in.

"Maybe we should've called him, told him in advance so he could take it out on America and be fine when he got here," Seborga said slowly, looking up to Australia.

"Nah, that's the yellow-belly way out of this. We have to take responsibility. And anyway, I've wrestled way worse creatures than Eyebrows," Australia replied, smiling down at the small boy.

"We could just paint the other half of a building and fool England into thinking it's all there."

"I'm not sure that's going to work, Wy," Seborga said carefully.

The brown-haired girl stuck out her tongue at the boys before continuing with her doodles. The other three from the Oceanian continent sent each other troubled looks. She only doodled like this when she was upset. The incessant scribbling was really off-putting as the conversation lulled. Everybody was nervous. Not only at the thought of the scream-fest they were most surely to be met with, but also at the whole situation in itself. England and America had left to go collect Romano, but this place was less than secure now.

"Maybe if we blow up the other half of his house he won't notice the difference. He always told me off for leaving things half-done."

"NO!" was the cry from everyone else in the room. Hong Kong merely slumped back into the armchair sulkily.

"It was only a suggestion. I should've just stayed with Japan."

"You know, in times of crisis, England likes having us close. I think it makes him feel more in control of the situation," New Zealand said, getting up and patting Hong on the shoulder. "Anybody fancy a drink while I'm up?"

"Foster's please, little bro," said Australia.

"Just juice for me and Wy, please," said Seland.

"Green tea please," asked Hong Kong politely.

If anything, they couldn't debate England had somehow taught them all there was to know on manners.

He had only been in the kitchen a few seconds when he shouted out to the others, "They're here and they have Roma-... Wait a minute."

In the living room the others froze, bracing themselves for what was to come. They weren't disappointed.

"HONG KONG WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO THE EAST WING?!" The front door crashed open and England stormed into the room, looking livid. Behind him, America waved cheerfully.

"Dude, you have to come and work with me in Hollywood sometime. I bet it looked epic!"

"Shut up, America, this is not a joking matter! When I got the call from Japan, I assured him it couldn't have been Sealand. And now look!"

Hong Kong sat upright quickly, his sight now fixed on England. "Is Uncle Japan alright?" His eyes, normally so dull in England's presence, glowed with worry. The Brit nodded in reply before walking to an armchair and falling into it.

"It wasn't them who got attacked. They were woken up by Russia and Estonia asking to be let in. Or more forcing themselves in, knowing Russia. Apparently, Sealand came in, released Latvia, and basically tore them to shreds."

Everyone froze. Even New Zealand, who was carrying a tray with everyone's drinks, including a strong tea and a can of cola stopped.

"Where they kissed?" New Zealand braved to ask.

"Apparently not," came England's reply.

"Who was turned?" Australia interjected, his voice low in grave concern.

"Poland, Lithuania, Ukraine, and Belarus."

"They must be lying! Belarus would never give up the chance to kiss Russia, no matter the circumstances!" America said with a grin. "I should know. I have bruises to prove it!"

The cheerful voice snapped New Zealand's thoughts as something clicked into place. He handed out the drinks as the conversation continued, mulling over his new theory.

"They said Estonia knocked out Belarus with his laptop. He saved Russia but lost all his information he had yet to back up."

"So, what's the plan?" Australia asked deep in thought.

"I was going to go to Japan and try to sort Russia and Estonia out but, after the mess you chaps made with Sealand, there is no way I'm leaving Italy with you."

"Italy? Romano Italy, right?" Identical looks of confusion were directed at England and America.

"Well no, we ran into difficulty picking up Romano."

"Like what?"

"Like, he was already gone and left behind a sick trail of Frenchie slime, bro!"

"For once," England sighed, "I agree with that description."

"So, what? Did you just grab the closest Italy before running back home scared?!" Australia demanded. The corners of Hong Kong's lips turned up slightly.

"Of course not!" was the snappy reply. "He was the only one left!"

Once again, the words slowly sank into the minds of those there.

"The place was trashed. We don't know if anybody got out of there unscathed. Hungary dropped her phone, but it recorded both her and Belgium running away. We've tried Bel's phone but we've gotten no reply. Judging by how they sounded, they aren't infected. Portugal wasn't as lucky. Romano went straight for him. Italy got under the bed but we have no idea if he was kissed or not. He fainted shortly after meeting him, so we were concerned that maybe..." He didn't need to say anymore.

"Ve~ That's a strange thing to be worried about."

Everyone, bar Hong Kong, jumped in shock. They all turned to the doorway to see Italy standing there smiling happily at the group. America jumped and ran behind England's chair, cowering slightly as the nation entered whilst carrying a bowl of pasta.

"I hope you don't mind, but I helped myself. You had a whole bag-full out there! It's not as good as fresh pasta though. And your tomatoes were going rotten so I had to throw them out and that canned sauce is really no good either so I added a few things and _ta-da!_ Pasta!"

The whole room gaped in amazement, yet Italy just carried on talking about the pasta he had made. New Zealand was the first to recover.

"Italy, do you remember much of what happened at the hotel?"

Italy froze mid happy-skip, pasta half way to his mouth. "_Fratello, fratello... Fratello_..." He dropped the bowl and curled up into a small ball, rocking back and forth "_Fratello_!"

"Italy! Calm down, mate. South Italy isn't here." Australia crouched down next to the distressed nation his hands firmly placed on his shoulder and knee. Effectively being pinned, Italy stopped rocking and settled for a quiet whimper instead.

"This sucks! He's not going to be able to tell us anything at this rate!" Seborga grumbled, giving a disdain glare at Italy.

"It's not like we need a life story. We just need a few pieces to fill in the gaps." England ran his fingers through his messy hair and sighed heavily. Today just wasn't his day. What he would give for France to have been locked away before all this had occurred. He could have been queuing at his local post office complaining about the weather, the postage costs and having to queue. But alas, no one had listened to his nineteen propositions to incarcerate France. And for some reason, the weather had stayed relatively clear and sunny. The dammed thing. It was obviously mocking him.

"Look Italy," he started to say, but Italy like out a screech of terror and started babbling. England crouched for a while trying to add up if he had done something wrong but soon gave up.  
>"I'm going to go have a kip. You dare wake me up before an hour is through and I'll brat the hell out of you." With that said he stormed out of the room and up the stairs.<p>

All those gathered looked at each other, including America who popped his head round the back of the couch.

"His room wasn't in the east wing, was it?" Wy asked, going back to her drawing.

Faces that read "Oh, shit!" were thrown in every direction and low and behold, an animalistic sound rattled from the floor above, followed by angry footsteps and the slamming of a door. It was silently agreed that they would leave England to snooze for two hours.

"Italy," New Zealand attempted taking the same position that England had adapted earlier. The nation squeaked. "You didn't get kissed, did you?"

Under the mop of Italian hair, New Zealand saw eyes widen seconds before a violent shaking of the head. America, also seeing this, laughed heartily and came out from behind the couch.

"HAHAHAHA! I knew it! I rescued him like the hero I am!" His relieved yet very annoying laughter was cut off as a coloring pencil hit him between the eyes.

"If you don't shut up, England will wake up," Wy stated testily. America slumped back onto England's chair with a peeved expression.

New Zealand turned back to Italy, relieved that the American was no longer making a fuss, only to be met with massive teary eyes.

"Save Japan," he whimpered slightly. "They're heading for Japan's house. They want India."

* * *

><p><strong>thanks guys~ <strong>

**Just a note "pom" is a term used my Australians to identify English people... I think.**

**so yeah! please review (I know it isn't the best or the longest but please bare with me!)**

**Lots of love guys**

**Jo **


End file.
